From Success to Significance: What Truly Matters

Many years ago, Nido Qubein President of High Point University taught me the difference between success and significance. Success is certainly a good thing whether in things financial, career, family, or any of the many goals one might accomplish. Nido reminded us, however, that these things are not usually in a eulogy. What we speak of when they pass are how what they did was significant to us, to those around us, to the world. So, if you are ever called upon to give a eulogy to the many at a funeral or a mini-eulogy as you speak to a surviving family member…think about how this person was significant to you, how they made you better, in what ways they infused a quality in your life that made all the difference. Success is certainly good; significance is lots better still.

Can You?

One of the hallmarks of the way a person ‘sees’ the world…uniquely of course…was developed by Alfred Adler (1870-1937). He called it our Life Style…not the common way of thinking about that term but the way he meant it was how we see life, how we move through life, sometimes without awareness. Ever get to a destination and you can’t remember every turn, or any of them? He summarized this Life Style as the following:

Life is…

People are…

I am…

Therefore, I must…

Some people believe life is dangerous…and for them it is! Imagine their thinking about people and about themselves and what they must do as a result.

Others might believe life is exciting and then you can follow their experience with people and their own self-image.

I took a great course recently “Empowering People in the Workplace” (www.positivediscipline.org) led by Dina Emser. 

This course took a slight and important change to the traditional Life Style:

Life is…

People are…

I am….

Therefore, I can…

I was struck by the difference between the words, ‘must’ and ‘can’…are you often stuck with a feeling of what you ‘must’ do, what people are requiring of you, of the forces that force you?

‘Can’ can lead us to hope and beyond…to what we really ‘can’ do.

Enough About Me, What Do You Think About Me?

I continue to notice (and be amazed!) at how much ‘personal branding’ comes across as me, me, and ME! It seems to also creep into our conversations as well. Marketing departments seem to know how to promote themselves with just the right mix of ‘me and you’ as with McDonalds, Endeavor Healthcare (an interesting way they managed the name change with this Chicago organization), and even my local Duck Donuts. I do wonder, however, about us. “Me and you” so often can come across as “me, me, ME” with so little notice of “you” and “us” …and this is no easy task. On our next Facebook post, is the invitation to me or to you (even if it is about me!)? Is my next subject line in an email about what you are concerned about or what I think is important? Even this post?! Yikes, no easy task!

Wednesday Rewind: The Secret of a Successful Interview

This week’s Wednesday Rewind takes us back to my post on The Secret of a Successful Interview — timeless advice that still holds true today.

Remember your last interview for a job? Despite a really fine resume and plenty (did I say plenty?) of experience, the interviewers seemed difficult and hard to impress. After all, you’ve done a lot! When I prepare physicians for their interviews (some tell me that they have never had to interview for a position in their lives!) I suggest that they speak to their capabilities, not only to their experiences. So, an “experience” answer might sound like this, “Yes, I have worked to construct 12 ambulatory units for my system.” That is nice but interviewers know that their system is different! Internally they are thinking, “Yes, she may have built them there, but we have different issues here.” A better answer would be, “Yes, I have worked to construct 12 ambulatory units for my system…and what I learned when I did that was the executive capability not only of consensus building but of a community feeling among the team to unify our efforts and each persons’ unique capability.” This answer will lead to a deeper question, which will enhance your expertise as being like them, their culture, their unique situation. The inner voice then of the interviewer is, “She has what we need…she could solve our problem.” Never end the answer with what you did; always with what you learned.

What Andre Rieu Taught Me About Audience Connection

Have you ever heard of Andre Rieu? He's a Dutch violinist and conductor who’s been creating magical concert experiences for over 30 years. My wife and I saw him live in Chicago, where he and his orchestra marched in from the back of the theater, instantly transforming the energy in the room.

What struck me most wasn’t just the music; it was how he engaged the audience. He didn’t perform at us; he performed with us. That’s a mindset shift we can all bring to our own presentations, whether we’re on stage, in a meeting, or leading a workshop.

We may not have a full orchestra behind us, but we do have the power to make people feel part of the moment.

🎥 Watch the video and ask yourself: How can I create that kind of connection with my audience?

Patient Experience Scores with a Little Patience

The May/June issue of the Journal of Healthcare Management has an article titled, “The Impact of Chaplaincy Departments on Hospital Patient Experience Scores.” The findings speak to patient HCAHPS ratings as higher including the more likely to recommend ratings. One notable finding was, in addition to the direct patient experience, chaplaincy also indirectly provided staff helping with their own well-being. Our work at Loyola University of Chicago’s Institute of Pastoral Studies in training chaplains reminds us to keep alert and aware of their patients and also the fellow professionals on our way through the halls. Major airports and the military have chaplains as well. They do their work with intentional presence, eye contact, listening, never giving advice, and thoughtful patient awareness. Though many of us are not professional chaplains, we too can be alert and aware noticing what might be happening for our fellow MSLs, KOLs, and their staff: you can make “chaplain-like” responses too, yes?

You Asking Me?

When the question is not a question. “How do you feel about the stuff going on in the _________?” This is not a primary question requiring an answer. Instead, how about your response being, “Great question that I am grappling with… how do you feel about it?” More often than not they will begin and conclude some moments or lots of moments later. Don’t take the bait. Listen! Ask good questions! No need for your answer. If you are cornered, especially if it is a hot item or a politically charged issue you might ask yourself if you have a 50/50 chance of surviving the answer. So, what if you said this, “Thanks for asking, I’m not sure yet of my conclusion but I’m finding that there are at least three things roaming around in my brain: the people involved, the process, and what might be the unintended outcomes. How about you?” Questions are not always questions, sometimes they are statements.

7 Things Not to Say or Do

Every so often, I like to pull a lesson from the archives that still holds up today. This one continues to resonate because the fundamentals of great communication never change. Consider this your midweek reminder to keep sharpening the basics.

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Here are some things that you should never ever (ever!) say or do in your presentation because they will be hated or ignored by most audiences:

1. “You probably want to know a little about ME!” (No, they don’t.)

2. “Before I begin you have to understand that…”(Just begin already!)

3. “How are you all doing?” (Thought to be an involver, often experienced as an embarrassment by both sides.)

4. “Can you hear me OK?” while tapping the microphone. (Audio checks should happen with the sound professional, not the audience.)

5. “Today we are going to….” followed by a list of objectives usually on PowerPoint that everyone can read faster than you can speak. (Next time just get right to #1 without identifying it as such and conclude with “We just finished our first objective for the day.”)

6. “I can’t hear you!” as a way to have the audience repeat the speaker’s key phrase. (Do you want everyone to feel like they are back in second grade!?)

7. “Shhhhhhhh…” attempting to get control back from an audience group exercise. (Try this next time: “If you can hear me, please raise your hand.” As they do others will notice. This usually only needs to be said twice and then a sincere thank you allows you to continue.)

Next time you want to cheer someone up—don’t.

When someone’s in a funk, they don’t need a cheerleader. They need an encourager.

Cheerleaders push positivity. Encouragers reflect strength.

Notice something real. Name it. Remind them who they are.

In this short video, I break down how to shift from “cheering up” to encouraging and why it matters in leadership, coaching, and everyday connection.

I Know You Are, But Who Am I?

We are all different as many of our HR people remind us. The DISC (and the ancient Greeks) tells us there are four personality types. And then there is one assessment touting six, another eight, and yes, the MBTI came up with 16! And no matter how detailed and fancy the assessments are, all trainers and corporate educators seem to end with some sort of “while I don’t expect all of you to remember all we did today, I do suggest that you alert yourself to our differences and appreciate them next time.” This is because they know that retaining all of this is not going to happen. The most we can hope for is that it will expand our appreciation, provide an option or two when things get hot, and might help us finally figure out our boss! As you work with your team and with your KOLs don’t kill yourself to predict or diagnose rather work to connect and engage.

Our Inner Censor

The time honored “Everyone loves hearing a good listener” is a stellar prescription for sales and management, finding (and keeping) a mate or when emotions get hot, and even mastering the job interview. This is not easy even for counselors and psychiatrists who are supposed to be listening divas! Coaches like to use the W.A.I.T. system Why Am I Talking!? Few good friends will tell you this, some bosses will, spouses might, three-year olds will just walk away. You have to rely on your own inner voice saying: “Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up”!

Big Town Halls Often Miss the Mark

Endless updates. Surface-level Q&A. And the hard questions? Left unasked.

A friend once flipped the script: small, informal gatherings of 8 to 10 people max. The result? Honest dialogue, real connection, and ripple effects that reached hundreds.

If you're hosting a town hall, consider going small to go deep.

Because when people feel safe, they speak up. And when they speak up, change happens.

Reminding Me with Every Appointment

With every flight I take, every dentist appointment, every reservation I’ve made at my favorite vegan restaurant, every appointment with my trainer and more, I get an auto-reminder. And I am happy for them. The more personalized, better. My trainer adds that she looks forward to seeing me again or reminds me of something personal we spoke about last time. Would that help with your KOL? Or with their receptionist by name? Just a way to not only remind them of your upcoming visit, but to show that your appointment is more than just a slot on your calendar. Might be good to remind yourself of that too! And remember Carnegie’s ongoing wisdom that there is one word in every language that is sweet to the ear…our name. Note and use names not in an artificial (or overtly salesy) way but in a genuine, “I remember you” way.

Our Inner Censor

The time honored “Everyone loves hearing a good listener” is a stellar prescription for sales and management, finding (and keeping) a mate or when emotions get hot, and even mastering the job interview. This is not easy even for counselors and psychiatrists who are supposed to be listening divas! Coaches like to use the W.A.I.T. system) Why Am I Talking!? Few good friends will tell you this, some bosses will, spouses might, three-year olds will just walk away. You have to rely on your own inner voice saying: “Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up”!

What's Triggering You is On You

I was recently at a psychology conference when I heard someone say:

“What’s triggering you is on you.”

That line stuck. If something lingers, it’s worth asking:

• What’s this emotion trying to show me?

• How do I want to respond, not just react?

In this short video, I unpack how that moment helped me reflect on ownership, self-awareness, and the power of emotional choice.

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In Our Own Space

Mary Doria Russell wrote a terrific book, The Sparrow, that I recommend to my students at Loyola University of Chicago. It is about the first Jesuit settlement in outer space. The Jesuits are known for going where no man has gone before, like Canada, Chicago, and China long ago! In it she makes a passing reference aimed at those of us who go “on and on and on, and on” endlessly and sometimes mindlessly speaking without end. She recommends that these folks join the support group, On and On, Anon! How about you? Do you find that finding the period at the end of a sentence is difficult? Do you find that you nervously jump in when there is some natural silence? Or do you eagerly want to share your advice…medical, travel, relational, or Costo-ish (“Better get over there before they are all gone!”)? The issue here is not to go silent, but rather to tame our natural instinct for connection thinking that more of ‘me’ is what is required here.

The Quiet Mission That Matters

In this short video, I reflect on comparison, purpose, and the quiet impact we often overlook—like the adjunct professor who shapes lives without tenure. We all carry hopes that may never materialize, and others that surprise us. Both truths can coexist. Let’s honor the mission that’s uniquely ours.

Me? A KOL?

Have you ever been a KOL of sorts? Maybe at your neighborhood picnic? Are you a favorite aunt or uncle? Or perhaps you are seen by your MSL team as the one who knows! Think back; it’s probably in your life sometime, the KOL in you. Ponder it for a moment: how do you or did you feel about your moments in the KOL spotlight? Who approached you as you wanted to be approached? Who gave you a deserved but not fawning kind of recognition? While we are all different, perhaps notice how your KOL likes to be regarded as special. It might not be your way, but it is their way.

Don’t hate the black, don’t hate the white. If you get bitten, hate the bite.

(Sly Stone) introducing his song, “Everyday People.” It’s not personal and even if it is…take it as a professional. Taking anything ‘personal’ can take us easily to our place of inferiority, fear, and insecurity. Taking it professionally or at least pausing long enough to listen with the intent of providing the other person to have their say can help you from not becoming too hurt or increasingly resentful. Some people say stuff that hurts. Some are unaware or ignorant of the impact or are hurt themselves. Don’t let their words take you to a dark place within. Rather listen and if this is an important relationship, tell them about the “ouch.”

Casinos have no clocks—maybe we shouldn’t either.

In a world of constant pings and notifications, our phones have become quiet companions that steal our presence. Before your next meeting or meal, turn it off. Not silent-off.
The most meaningful connections happen face to face, not screen to screen.
Technology helps us work, but it shouldn’t lead the way in relationship-building.
Watch this short video to explore how presence creates belonging—and why your next great conversation starts with putting the phone away.