You Asking Me?

When the question is not a question. “How do you feel about the stuff going on in the _________?” This is not a primary question requiring an answer. Instead, how about your response being, “Great question that I am grappling with… how do you feel about it?” More often than not they will begin and conclude some moments or lots of moments later. Don’t take the bait. Listen! Ask good questions! No need for your answer. If you are cornered, especially if it is a hot item or a politically charged issue you might ask yourself if you have a 50/50 chance of surviving the answer. So, what if you said this, “Thanks for asking, I’m not sure yet of my conclusion but I’m finding that there are at least three things roaming around in my brain: the people involved, the process, and what might be the unintended outcomes. How about you?” Questions are not always questions, sometimes they are statements.

7 Things Not to Say or Do

Every so often, I like to pull a lesson from the archives that still holds up today. This one continues to resonate because the fundamentals of great communication never change. Consider this your midweek reminder to keep sharpening the basics.

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Here are some things that you should never ever (ever!) say or do in your presentation because they will be hated or ignored by most audiences:

1. “You probably want to know a little about ME!” (No, they don’t.)

2. “Before I begin you have to understand that…”(Just begin already!)

3. “How are you all doing?” (Thought to be an involver, often experienced as an embarrassment by both sides.)

4. “Can you hear me OK?” while tapping the microphone. (Audio checks should happen with the sound professional, not the audience.)

5. “Today we are going to….” followed by a list of objectives usually on PowerPoint that everyone can read faster than you can speak. (Next time just get right to #1 without identifying it as such and conclude with “We just finished our first objective for the day.”)

6. “I can’t hear you!” as a way to have the audience repeat the speaker’s key phrase. (Do you want everyone to feel like they are back in second grade!?)

7. “Shhhhhhhh…” attempting to get control back from an audience group exercise. (Try this next time: “If you can hear me, please raise your hand.” As they do others will notice. This usually only needs to be said twice and then a sincere thank you allows you to continue.)

Next time you want to cheer someone up—don’t.

When someone’s in a funk, they don’t need a cheerleader. They need an encourager.

Cheerleaders push positivity. Encouragers reflect strength.

Notice something real. Name it. Remind them who they are.

In this short video, I break down how to shift from “cheering up” to encouraging and why it matters in leadership, coaching, and everyday connection.

I Know You Are, But Who Am I?

We are all different as many of our HR people remind us. The DISC (and the ancient Greeks) tells us there are four personality types. And then there is one assessment touting six, another eight, and yes, the MBTI came up with 16! And no matter how detailed and fancy the assessments are, all trainers and corporate educators seem to end with some sort of “while I don’t expect all of you to remember all we did today, I do suggest that you alert yourself to our differences and appreciate them next time.” This is because they know that retaining all of this is not going to happen. The most we can hope for is that it will expand our appreciation, provide an option or two when things get hot, and might help us finally figure out our boss! As you work with your team and with your KOLs don’t kill yourself to predict or diagnose rather work to connect and engage.

Our Inner Censor

The time honored “Everyone loves hearing a good listener” is a stellar prescription for sales and management, finding (and keeping) a mate or when emotions get hot, and even mastering the job interview. This is not easy even for counselors and psychiatrists who are supposed to be listening divas! Coaches like to use the W.A.I.T. system Why Am I Talking!? Few good friends will tell you this, some bosses will, spouses might, three-year olds will just walk away. You have to rely on your own inner voice saying: “Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up”!

Big Town Halls Often Miss the Mark

Endless updates. Surface-level Q&A. And the hard questions? Left unasked.

A friend once flipped the script: small, informal gatherings of 8 to 10 people max. The result? Honest dialogue, real connection, and ripple effects that reached hundreds.

If you're hosting a town hall, consider going small to go deep.

Because when people feel safe, they speak up. And when they speak up, change happens.

Reminding Me with Every Appointment

With every flight I take, every dentist appointment, every reservation I’ve made at my favorite vegan restaurant, every appointment with my trainer and more, I get an auto-reminder. And I am happy for them. The more personalized, better. My trainer adds that she looks forward to seeing me again or reminds me of something personal we spoke about last time. Would that help with your KOL? Or with their receptionist by name? Just a way to not only remind them of your upcoming visit, but to show that your appointment is more than just a slot on your calendar. Might be good to remind yourself of that too! And remember Carnegie’s ongoing wisdom that there is one word in every language that is sweet to the ear…our name. Note and use names not in an artificial (or overtly salesy) way but in a genuine, “I remember you” way.

Our Inner Censor

The time honored “Everyone loves hearing a good listener” is a stellar prescription for sales and management, finding (and keeping) a mate or when emotions get hot, and even mastering the job interview. This is not easy even for counselors and psychiatrists who are supposed to be listening divas! Coaches like to use the W.A.I.T. system) Why Am I Talking!? Few good friends will tell you this, some bosses will, spouses might, three-year olds will just walk away. You have to rely on your own inner voice saying: “Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up”!

What's Triggering You is On You

I was recently at a psychology conference when I heard someone say:

“What’s triggering you is on you.”

That line stuck. If something lingers, it’s worth asking:

• What’s this emotion trying to show me?

• How do I want to respond, not just react?

In this short video, I unpack how that moment helped me reflect on ownership, self-awareness, and the power of emotional choice.

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In Our Own Space

Mary Doria Russell wrote a terrific book, The Sparrow, that I recommend to my students at Loyola University of Chicago. It is about the first Jesuit settlement in outer space. The Jesuits are known for going where no man has gone before, like Canada, Chicago, and China long ago! In it she makes a passing reference aimed at those of us who go “on and on and on, and on” endlessly and sometimes mindlessly speaking without end. She recommends that these folks join the support group, On and On, Anon! How about you? Do you find that finding the period at the end of a sentence is difficult? Do you find that you nervously jump in when there is some natural silence? Or do you eagerly want to share your advice…medical, travel, relational, or Costo-ish (“Better get over there before they are all gone!”)? The issue here is not to go silent, but rather to tame our natural instinct for connection thinking that more of ‘me’ is what is required here.

The Quiet Mission That Matters

In this short video, I reflect on comparison, purpose, and the quiet impact we often overlook—like the adjunct professor who shapes lives without tenure. We all carry hopes that may never materialize, and others that surprise us. Both truths can coexist. Let’s honor the mission that’s uniquely ours.

Me? A KOL?

Have you ever been a KOL of sorts? Maybe at your neighborhood picnic? Are you a favorite aunt or uncle? Or perhaps you are seen by your MSL team as the one who knows! Think back; it’s probably in your life sometime, the KOL in you. Ponder it for a moment: how do you or did you feel about your moments in the KOL spotlight? Who approached you as you wanted to be approached? Who gave you a deserved but not fawning kind of recognition? While we are all different, perhaps notice how your KOL likes to be regarded as special. It might not be your way, but it is their way.

Don’t hate the black, don’t hate the white. If you get bitten, hate the bite.

(Sly Stone) introducing his song, “Everyday People.” It’s not personal and even if it is…take it as a professional. Taking anything ‘personal’ can take us easily to our place of inferiority, fear, and insecurity. Taking it professionally or at least pausing long enough to listen with the intent of providing the other person to have their say can help you from not becoming too hurt or increasingly resentful. Some people say stuff that hurts. Some are unaware or ignorant of the impact or are hurt themselves. Don’t let their words take you to a dark place within. Rather listen and if this is an important relationship, tell them about the “ouch.”

Casinos have no clocks—maybe we shouldn’t either.

In a world of constant pings and notifications, our phones have become quiet companions that steal our presence. Before your next meeting or meal, turn it off. Not silent-off.
The most meaningful connections happen face to face, not screen to screen.
Technology helps us work, but it shouldn’t lead the way in relationship-building.
Watch this short video to explore how presence creates belonging—and why your next great conversation starts with putting the phone away.

Sharp and Memorable

Lee Goldberg the weatherman on ABC news always “dresses up” for his appearances on World News Tonight with David Muir… including his glasses! How many pairs does he have?! Even when he reports the news from outside the studio, he looks great with a touch of “different.” And it’s just enough to register. In fact, I couldn’t remember his name, so I Googled “ABC weatherman, news with David Muir, and well dressed” and he popped up immediately! How about you? Yes, we all dress professionally, but what rings a bell with your style? Remember your KOLs make enough money to know what kind of clothes you are wearing. You don’t need a lot of them but make them distinctive. And frankly, well-made clothes last longer and their style is never lost. One specialist asked me if my suit was a Brunello Cucinelli. I replied, “No just a Zegna!” He raised an eyebrow and we both had a laugh. (I didn’t tell him it was my only one!) You don’t need to buy either of those, but invest in something that catches the eye. You can vary your “single suit” with things as simple as your tie, pocket square, polished shoes (always!), your next pair or two of glasses, or a pin from your university. Madeliene Albright, the Secretary of State in the Clinton Administration, had a collection of unique pins that always accompanied her outfits. She was a pin collector! I met her at a coffee shop in Chicago one day and I approached her and thanked her for her service, and she was very warm and kind, used to the attention. I then asked about the pin she was wearing. Bright eyes and a story followed. It was her thing for sure! 

The Good, the Bad, and the Not So Nice.

When someone comes up to you and thanks you for your presentation try responding with, “Thank you very much. What did you like especially?” You’ll get an on-the-spot example of what hit home for them. And if it is critical or negative, lean in a bit with “Wow, tell me more about that” and say it with genuine interest. No matter who or where, people, especially those who told you the great and the not so great, they all like to be heard and acknowledged.

AI & Your Career Materials - A Powerful Tool, A Risky Shortcut

AI can save us time—but when it comes to career materials, speed isn’t everything.

In this short video, I explore how AI can support your writing—and where it can steer you off course.

Quick takeaways:

• Your voice matters. AI shouldn’t erase it.

• Generic resumes don’t connect. Tailored ones do.

• Think about your audience—not just what you want to say.

AI is a tool. Let’s use it wisely.

What’s In a Car?

What’s In a Car? How clean is your office? I mean, your traveling office, your car! Having a traveling office can dirty up a car fast… on the inside. Not so much only full of papers, wrappers, and tissues, but also the little stuff stuck under your seat. Whenever I take Lyft or Uber, my first thought is: how clean is this car? When I compliment the driver on it I invariably hear, “I have to clean it every day, sometimes twice.” One Lyft driver said, “I do it for my customers and I do it for me because I want to keep my attitude right.” Take a look at your car, under the seat, on the dashboard, even the trunk. You deserve a clean car and your KOLs deserve your right attitude!

Love Me or Leave Me!

One of my mentors advised that 10% of evaluations are going to love you no matter what and 10% are going to hate you no matter what. Some will refuse to give even the very best score of a “10” just out of principle! He advised to read all of them, take nothing personally, but take it all professionally. He went on to say there is “some truth” in what just a few will tell you both positively and negatively. Listen to them and see if deep down inside you agree with them. Then decide the changes you want to make for next time…including what went really, really well.

WAIT—Why Am I Talking?

As presenters, facilitators, or educators, we often feel the urge to jump in with the “right” answer. But what if the real power lies in the pause?

Before you speak, ask yourself:
W.A.I.T. – Why Am I Talking?

• If you’re the authority in the room, resist the temptation to answer your own question too soon.

• Withholding your response keeps the energy alive and invites deeper engagement.

• When you speak too early, the room’s momentum dips—and so does the learning.

This short video explores how intentional silence can elevate your impact.

Let the question breathe. Let the room respond. Then, bring it home.