Ever try to praise your child or your employee and it seems to flop on delivery? “You are great…smart…perfect…amazing…awesome (most overused word of the decade by the way!)…better than…etc.” You may often hear the response, “Oh no I’m not…Amy is much better than I am…kind of you to say, but…” This may be worth considering when you tell me I am smart and I don’t think I am, I mentally cancel you out. When you compare me favorably to others and I know they are more capable, I cancel you out. And if you do it publicly, I really cancel you out either because I am embarrassed or because I am silently thinking, “It’s about time you noticed me, dude!” Cancelled out again! However, what if you commented on my progress, effort, or even our relationship? “I noticed the work you put into this report and it really shows.” Or “I appreciated when you spoke up at the Board meeting to set the record straight. It took courage and it paid off for our team. Thank you.” Or “I noticed your touch on the patient’s back and how his entire face relaxed when you did so. I saw your special magic happen. Thank you.” This is called the Skill of Encouragement which always begins with “I” and some form of appreciate or like or a personal noticing. It is always delivered as only your appreciation for what you noticed with a bit of wonderment attached. The receiver may or may not take it and that is their choice. Our experience with the skill however is that it is “sticky”…it persists in their memory.