Let me share some snippets of my expertise with you. I hope you find them useful and if you would like to chat more, just…
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Enhance your presence
It's easy to fall into the trap of making assumptions about what our colleagues or teams need without verifying. But are these assumptions accurate? Are we truly delivering what's necessary to support their success? The solution is simpler than you might think: Just ask! Watch this video to learn more...
Recently, I had the privilege of witnessing an individual demonstrate exceptional professional integrity and skill in their field. It was a powerful reminder of the impact that dedication and mastery can have, not just on the quality of work produced, but on inspiring those around them. Watch this video to learn more and let's discuss how we can all apply these principles to enhance our work and inspire our teams.
Notice your inner expert by listening to your audience. I noticed something about a group I was working with recently that hit me in the face, and in the heart.
After my presentation, a few came up to me to thank me and then they went into an extended description of what I did that apparently was especially meaningful to them. I was touched and I discovered a bit of what they experienced from me, my inner expert.
It reminded me to do the same when I am in the audience. A simple “Thank you” is certainly very nice. However, a “May I tell you what you did that helped me, touched me, encouraged me…?” is much, much better for the one telling and the one receiving.
Do you live and work on a vertical level with those ‘above’ and others ‘below’? Some marriages are like that. Some corporate teams operate like that too. The one on ‘top’ as somehow superior to the others. Some even relish this superiority. Those ‘below’ understand that this set up is meant for obedience and conformity, to be careful, stay in line, don’t rock the boat.
Other teams operate on a horizontal level: with each person being respected as ‘social equals’ who are contributing to the whole. Not all are the ‘same’ but all are contributing with collaboration and mutual respect.
How is it where you live? Where you work? In your family of origin? What I find interesting about the vertical set up is that the real power belongs to those below: if they move, guess who falls!?
When you present your facility and its people to the Board of Directors, your city council, or your state representatives remind yourself that they will remember the feeling you portray, not the content alone. Your statistics need to have heart as well as head in them.
Not only stories about patients but perhaps people telling the story, willing patients and families, doctors and housekeepers, nurses and maintenance. What would it be like to have them present? Interview them, bring the face and feeling of your place to the meeting. This is what they will remember long after the meeting is over. This brings excitement about your place to your audience’s understanding.
I challenge you to embrace the power of presence. Whether it's a meeting, a conversation, or any moment of connection, bring not just your head, but your heart and all of your energy into it. Truly engage, listen deeply, and fully immerse yourself in the experience.
Let's transform ordinary interactions into meaningful connections. Are you ready to bring your whole self to every moment today?
When we dive into conversations, it's tempting to jump in with our thoughts and solutions. But here's a powerful approach I've been practicing: Ask First!
Before sharing your ideas, take a moment to ask questions. This simple step can transform your interactions. It helps you gather more information, truly understand the other person's perspective, and tailor your response effectively.
Asking questions demonstrates your genuine interest and commitment to understanding their needs or challenges. It creates a space where both parties feel heard and valued, fostering stronger connections and more meaningful conversations.
Next time you’re in a discussion, pause and ask. You might be surprised by how much more insightful and productive your conversations become!
What are some of your favorite questions to ask in a conversation? Share below and let's learn from each other's approaches!
Ever thought about the difference between praise and encouragement? The problem with praise - "You are a great student" or "You are the best at this" - it's often easily brushed off with a simple "I'm not that great."
But what about encouragement? It's about recognizing effort and resilience: "I noticed how hard you worked on that assignment" or "I felt inspired by how the team came together when Shanita was in the hospital." Encouragement speaks to the effort, movement, strength, and faith in the person. It's even impactful in the face of failure. Think about Olympic beach volleyball players - they high five after every play, regardless of the outcome.
Imagine saying to someone after a great presentation: "Nice job, great speech." Now compare that with: "I must tell you how much I liked the way you emphasized the importance of nurses collaborating with physicians in the ICU last week."
See the difference? Encouragement is specific, genuine, and resonates on a deeper level. It's not just about what was achieved but how it was achieved.
Let's shift our focus from general praise to specific encouragement. It can make all the difference in motivating and uplifting those around us. Share your thoughts or experiences with encouragement vs. praise!
Ever caught yourself sounding like a sports commentator in meetings? You know, those moments when punctuation seems to vanish, and words just keep rolling out non-stop.
It's time for a little self-awareness check! Are you the one doing all the talking in meetings? Here's a pro tip: Try tossing a question into the mix and then... wait for it... actually pause for the answer! It's not just about sharing your thoughts; it's about fostering a two-way conversation.
Let's turn our meetings from monologues into dialogues! Your team will thank you for it.
“Is it an oasis or a mirage?” is a quote from the movie, The Way Back. Set during World War II, the plot follows the incredible 4,000-mile on foot journey of a few escaped prisoners leaving Siberia, ending up in India. The quote was conflict for them since the ‘oasis’ was going west (or east!) when they needed to continue south. In the end, one brave soul simply started walking and others followed.
Firstly, how do we know? Secondly, how do we REALLY know? For some of us, we want 100% certainty before we take a step, for others 80% is plenty to make a decision with. Still for others, we are very, very happy when someone else makes the decision!
This is the point where courage, bravery as it were, comes in handy. When all eyes are fixed on one thing, what would happen if you moved your eyes to another and openly wondered? “I wonder if….” or “Could it be….” or “What would happen if…”
The conflicts and arguments are often about one thing with eyes fixed to see what they want to see. The leader in you - indeed, the brave in you - can muster a discussion, a conversation, instead of a heated argument with lasting mini resentments. After all we are not in the desert, just thirsty to be heard! What are your thoughts?
Last week a member of a meeting mentioned the following about a physician that was not present, “He’s a really good surgeon, but…” Immediately a nurse spoke up with, “If you have to put a ‘but’ after his name…he’s not that good!” Awkward silence began!
Do you know some terrific people who have those three silent letters, ‘but’… after their name? True or not, deserved or not, even perfectly descriptive or not, that ‘but’ after their name not only hurts them, it hurts you: how you interact with them, speak about them, and judge them. Our presence is fully dependent on how we enhance the other’s presence.
If instead we add three letters, ‘AND’, after their name then the fullness of the life of the person, despite their flaws, enriches us with full presence.
Listen to how the word ‘but’ is used with people and ideas at meetings and how disconnective it can be. Do you have any examples you can share?
I notice that physicians are known and introduced by their name and their specialty and…that’s it! It is as if they are a “noun” defined by a name and a thing…their specialty.
Of course, depending on the specialty this can come with a raft of judgments. Surgeon? We all know what they are like, right! Hospice? They are so nice!
But what if we help this definition-by-noun/title with a metaphorical verb/adverb after their name and specialty. “Dr. Hicks is our neurosurgeon and also a Boston marathoner and she is certainly that too, in the OR and at the bedside…she never gives up." Doesn’t this round out her identity better!
It doesn't just apply to physicians. Think about the last time you made an introduction. How did it go? How could you have improved?
Enhance their presence and you will enhance yours as well!
Have you ever tried to praise your child or your employee, only it seemed to flop on delivery? “You are great…smart…perfect…amazing…etc.” You may have had the response, “Oh no I’m not…Joe Bloggs is much better than I am…kind of you to say, but…”
If you tell me I am 'something' and I don’t think I am, I mentally cancel you out. When you compare me favorably to others and I know they are more capable, I cancel you out. And if you do it publicly, I really cancel you out either because I am embarrassed or because I am silently thinking, “It’s about time you noticed me, dude!”
However, what if you commented on my progress, effort, or even our relationship?
“I noticed the work you put into this report and it really shows.”
Or “I appreciated when you spoke up at the Board meeting to set the record straight. It took courage and it paid off for our team. Thank you.”
Or “I noticed your touch on the patient’s back and how his entire face relaxed when you did so. I saw your special magic happen. Thank you.”
This is called the Skill of Encouragement which always begins with “I” then some form of appreciation or personal noticing. It is always delivered as only YOUR appreciation for what YOU noticed with a bit of wonderment attached.
My experience with the skill is that it is “sticky”…it persists in their memory. Who are you going to practise this skill with today?
Loud, angry, sarcastic, frustrated, anxious and a few hundred other very descriptive words for our emotions might be how we feel but not how we want to come across. If you intimidate then ‘who you are’ will spread like wildfire throughout the organization. You won’t be seen as correct but as a bully - weak, self-centered, and alone. Feel the emotion of course, identify it for sure, but if you put it out first and loud, you’ll scare off even your most loyal supporter.
Emotions are the gas in our tank - they provide the fuel to move us. However, they do not belong at the steering wheel. You may be attracted to many different people for many different reasons, but you marry only one after a good deal of thoughtful decision making (hopefully!) The sweet smell of chocolate cookies arouses even the strongest of us, but how many go into your mouth is decided at the steering wheel not the gas tank.
Monitor your emotions before you put them on public display, or reply to the email, or take to social media! A good rule of thumb is “Given how I feel and how strongly I feel about this, what is the best way for me to communicate so that others will receive it with respect and perhaps change?”
It’s all about confidence! In your own ability, your own expertise, your own decision making. Equally it's important to help others build their own confidence. Watch this video to learn more…
Good routine is key! I was reminded of this recently when John G. Blumberg, CSP told me that every day, he contacts three people, just to connect with them. And he is hugely successful! Watch this video to learn more…
When my colleague, Char Wenc taught at Loyola University Chicago she always advised her students to “Be Present and Have Presence” and ensured that they knew those were two very different things.
“Were you at the meeting last week?”
“I was sitting right next to you!”
“Well, you didn’t say anything!”
Prepare for presence. YOUR presence. What are the three things you want to make sure you say in the meeting regardless of the discussion? What is the essential message of the meeting content that you want others to know? What questions do you need to ask in order to help move things forward? This is particularly important if you are angry, hurt, or resentful…what are you not going to say?
Go further by helping to clarify the messages in the discussion with paraphrasing. Add in some empathy too! Wait and summarize. Let a moment of silence linger a bit, let it hang in the air. For in-person meetings, sit in a different chair each time, even next to the boss sometimes. Position yourself to see everyone else. If you are running the meeting use a circle of chairs – it cuts down on others doing their emails, enlivens active discussion, and keeps people awake. No need to be a chatterbox; just don’t be on ‘mute’ throughout.
When others compliment you on a speech, presentation, or contribution obviously say “thank you” but also follow up with “What did you like especially?” You will find a host of content that you said (and didn’t say!) in their answer.
Ask your boss why they hired you. Ask your customers why they buy from you. Ask your spouse why they stay with you. Ask your children their favorite memory of the two of you. And finally look soulfully into your dog’s eyes and ask why he loves you! (Be careful attempting this with cats!) Ask and you shall find an abundance of what makes you valuable, no need to guess.
Meetings and discussions are prime opportunities to make ourselves heard, but often hesitancy, embarrassment, and simple ignorance prevent us from saying anything.
I was recently with a group of men who were discussing a baseball game – their vast knowledge of the game was met with equal amounts of enthusiasm! My ‘sports chat’ however is limited to when I watch the Olympics every four years, and the odd demolition derby or two during the summer. I am quite literally clueless with nothing to contribute. So, I sat in silence occasionally nodding my head to show some semblance of, well, anything.
Being an extrovert, one can only do this for so long before breaking so I took a different approach. “You mentioned ______, the first baseman. In your opinion what makes him so special?” At that moment I was desperately hoping the guy was the first baseman! All of a sudden, an entirely new conversation began with me there too. The ‘guys’ all had an opinion… all I had to do was ask a few more questions out of real curiosity (and complete ignorance!) to be able to join in.
My inner expertise is curiosity, not baseball. This same skill allows me to communicate with executives, the homeless, snobs, us commoners, even with those I don’t like a whole lot! Phew, this time I made it out of a sports discussion with my self-esteem intact…and I even found out what a first baseman is supposed to do!
I was recently reminded of the importance of asking the other person what they think, or what they want to know, not just telling them 'stuff' that is irrelevant to them. Watch this video to learn more.
