Ready, Set, Go?

As I listen to many sides of our life today at citizens of the world, I hear the perennial question of “What Can I Do”? And more so, “What Can One Person Do?” It makes me reflect on my grandparents and maybe yours too who came across the ocean leaving everything they knew behind and sailing to an uncertain future. Or that one person who is quite famous that you admire. They were also a one person who asked, “What Can I Do” and moved it to “This I Must Do.” How did they have the courage, the insight, the willingness to leave behind their past and sail into the new.

Responding to Social Media Instead of Reacting

I’ve written before about how much we value our opinion and how little others do! Check my website for past posts on this. Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, the famous Adlerian psychiatrist from Chicago cautioned us that feelings are the movers for us, they are the gas in our tank. They help us feel and figure out what is going on with us. They just don’t belong in the driver’s seat…that is where good judgment resides. Social media has been blowing up lately, many times (or most times) with people’s opinions. Their reactions. Their gas tanks! You can almost tell who started typing before thinking. I’d like to suggest another approach for your social media, your meetings at work, your conversations over a beer, or even your call home from your hotel: consider ‘How do I want to respond to this person, event, or issue’? This gives you time (and a bit more time) to decide what you will say to the world or to your spouse or partner that you really want public…and how you expect it to better your relationship with the world or those at home. Many years ago, the American Psychiatric Association offered that change really happens when we are listened to, when we are attended to, when we are helped to focus, and when we are encouraged. What strikes me about that formula is that it is other focused, perhaps even dialog focused. In the book “The Advice Trap” by Michael Bungay Stanier he gives away the entire content of the book with the subtitle: “Be Humble, Stay Curious, and Change the Way You Lead Forever.” I’m not sure we need each other’s opinions or advice…maybe we need to discuss the questions and the feelings that are deeper down.

Think Adjective, Noun, Adverb:

Mark LeBlanc, CSP, CPAE recommended many years ago to divide a paper into columns and simply brainstorm many (many!) words randomly. The columns can be labeled anything you want…I use adjective, noun, and adverb but you could use colors, towns, countries, etc. Then start circling combinations of those words. This could be used for a book title, a new concept, a kick start for thinking, a vacation experience you never considered before…and perhaps for using your Thought Leadership skills in your daily life at work and at home also in the quiet of your time with yourself. Try it and then notice what is better or different about your thinking, your creativity, even that next vacation!

First Step Might Be the Hardest

This week's Wednesday Rewind felt fitting after that nail-biting Game 7 over the weekend. Ever found yourself unsure how to jump into a meeting or discussion? What strategies help you navigate those moments?

*************************************************************************

Meetings and discussions are prime opportunities to make ourselves heard, but often hesitancy, embarrassment, and simple ignorance prevent us from saying anything. 

I was recently with a group of men who were discussing a baseball game – their vast knowledge of the game was met with equal amounts of enthusiasm! My ‘sports chat’ however is limited to when I watch the Olympics every four years, and the odd demolition derby or two during the summer. I am quite literally clueless with nothing to contribute. Nothing! So, I sat in silence occasionally nodding my head to show some semblance of, well, anything. Everyone could have been speaking Romanian for all I knew! 

Being an extrovert, one can only do this for so long before breaking so I took a different approach. “You mentioned ______, the first baseman. In your opinion what makes him so special?” At that moment I was desperately hoping the guy was the first baseman! All of a sudden, an entirely new conversation began with me there too. The ‘guys’ all had an opinion… all I had to do was ask a few more questions out of real curiosity (and complete ignorance!) to be able to join in. 

My inner expertise is curiosity, not baseball. This same skill allows me to communicate with executives, the homeless, snobs, us commoners, even with those I don’t like a whole lot!  Phew, this time I made it out of a sports discussion with my self-esteem intact…and I even found out what a first baseman is supposed to do!

Is There a Book in You?

I hear all the time about those of us who want to write a book. One of my pharma friends writes two hours per night for pleasure. My sister published 70 books and often told me she wrote daily, “Even if I have nothing to write about.” After 70 books apparently, she had a lot to say! How about you? Happy to speak with you about it, let’s connect. No charge at all for talking about that book that just might be in you!

The Power of a Slower Story

I listened to a speaker the other day who began with a story that was a bit sad, moody, and heartfelt. As he spoke, I felt his reverencing for the story, for the person, for the situation. He went slow, articulating each word, taking a breath here and there in an unrehearsed-like form. His cadence was slow but not distracting. I wondered are their stories we tell when we present or even when we relate to one another that we can slow down so others won’t just hear but will understand.

Do you host a Podcast?

On this week's Wednesday Rewind, we revisit the top of interviews and specifically podcast interviews. Have you experienced this before when listening to a podcast? What is your take?

Some hosts go on about how much they know the person they are about to interview, where they met, where they work, how great they are, etc. Even the hosts with great reputations do this. One recent well-known host took the first 9 minutes talking about the guest instead of talking to and with the guest. Don’t be that guy! If a host does this to you make your first comments about the audience and the topic instead of more chit-chat about your relationship with the host.

Recognize the voice within.

The voice within is YOUR voice. This is the voice that likely talks to you all day long, “Should I or shouldn’t I? This way or that way? Respond or stay quiet? What if…? And then what…?” My goodness what we say to ourselves! 

Consider how much of what we say is a warning, a discouragement, a critique, or a demanding parent to an innocent you. When we teach advanced executive professional speaking, the request each and every time from the class is: “What did this person do well? What is just one thing they could have done better? What is the special expertise that you noticed?” That’s all you need to get better and better with each presentation and come to think of it, with each interaction. No need for an inner judgment, no need for an inner critique, no need for perfection; simply a way to reorient yourself for the next right step. 

You may have had a difficult conversation, a difficult meeting, a difficult day…but you can use these three little prompts to guarantee the next right step: “What did I do well? What is just one thing I could have done better? And what is the special expertise within me that I noticed?”

A final thought – in today’s environment it might be helpful to watch or rewatch the movie “Up In The Air” with George Clooney. Certainly, recommended for any HR professional!

Wardrobe Update?

Sometimes we get complacent with the clothes in the closet, our everyday reliable outfits. What if we changed things a bit? Here is an idea. Stop in at a variety of shops, the ones you usually go to and the ‘up one level’ ones whose price tag as kept you away, but admiring. Keep your credit cards locked up for these visits. Go to a reliable looking salesperson and say, “Here is what I usually wear to work.” Any thoughts on a refresh? One caution here. Don’t ask your spouse, partner, or coworkers. They don’t deal with clothes day in and day out. Ask a professional. Then after these visits consider your next purchase. Even if it requires a bit of your courage to make the change.

Can You?

One of the hallmarks of the way a person ‘sees’ the world…uniquely of course…was developed by Alfred Adler (1870-1937). He called it our Life Style…not the common way of thinking about that term but the way he meant it was how we see life, how we move through life, sometimes without awareness. Ever get to a destination and you can’t remember every turn, or any of them? He summarized this Life Style as the following:

Life is…

People are…

I am…

Therefore, I must…

Some people believe life is dangerous…and for them it is! Imagine their thinking about people and about themselves and what they must do as a result.

Others might believe life is exciting and then you can follow their experience with people and their own self-image.

I took a great course recently “Empowering People in the Workplace” (www.positivediscipline.org) led by Dina Emser. 

This course took a slight and important change to the traditional Life Style:

Life is…

People are…

I am….

Therefore, I can…

I was struck by the difference between the words, ‘must’ and ‘can’…are you often stuck with a feeling of what you ‘must’ do, what people are requiring of you, of the forces that force you?

‘Can’ can lead us to hope and beyond…to what we really ‘can’ do.

Enough About Me, What Do You Think About Me?

I continue to notice (and be amazed!) at how much ‘personal branding’ comes across as me, me, and ME! It seems to also creep into our conversations as well. Marketing departments seem to know how to promote themselves with just the right mix of ‘me and you’ as with McDonalds, Endeavor Healthcare (an interesting way they managed the name change with this Chicago organization), and even my local Duck Donuts. I do wonder, however, about us. “Me and you” so often can come across as “me, me, ME” with so little notice of “you” and “us” …and this is no easy task. On our next Facebook post, is the invitation to me or to you (even if it is about me!)? Is my next subject line in an email about what you are concerned about or what I think is important? Even this post?! Yikes, no easy task!

You Asking Me?

When the question is not a question. “How do you feel about the stuff going on in the _________?” This is not a primary question requiring an answer. Instead, how about your response being, “Great question that I am grappling with… how do you feel about it?” More often than not they will begin and conclude some moments or lots of moments later. Don’t take the bait. Listen! Ask good questions! No need for your answer. If you are cornered, especially if it is a hot item or a politically charged issue you might ask yourself if you have a 50/50 chance of surviving the answer. So, what if you said this, “Thanks for asking, I’m not sure yet of my conclusion but I’m finding that there are at least three things roaming around in my brain: the people involved, the process, and what might be the unintended outcomes. How about you?” Questions are not always questions, sometimes they are statements.

Our Inner Censor

The time honored “Everyone loves hearing a good listener” is a stellar prescription for sales and management, finding (and keeping) a mate or when emotions get hot, and even mastering the job interview. This is not easy even for counselors and psychiatrists who are supposed to be listening divas! Coaches like to use the W.A.I.T. system Why Am I Talking!? Few good friends will tell you this, some bosses will, spouses might, three-year olds will just walk away. You have to rely on your own inner voice saying: “Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up”!

In Our Own Space

Mary Doria Russell wrote a terrific book, The Sparrow, that I recommend to my students at Loyola University of Chicago. It is about the first Jesuit settlement in outer space. The Jesuits are known for going where no man has gone before, like Canada, Chicago, and China long ago! In it she makes a passing reference aimed at those of us who go “on and on and on, and on” endlessly and sometimes mindlessly speaking without end. She recommends that these folks join the support group, On and On, Anon! How about you? Do you find that finding the period at the end of a sentence is difficult? Do you find that you nervously jump in when there is some natural silence? Or do you eagerly want to share your advice…medical, travel, relational, or Costo-ish (“Better get over there before they are all gone!”)? The issue here is not to go silent, but rather to tame our natural instinct for connection thinking that more of ‘me’ is what is required here.

The Quiet Mission That Matters

In this short video, I reflect on comparison, purpose, and the quiet impact we often overlook—like the adjunct professor who shapes lives without tenure. We all carry hopes that may never materialize, and others that surprise us. Both truths can coexist. Let’s honor the mission that’s uniquely ours.

Casinos have no clocks—maybe we shouldn’t either.

In a world of constant pings and notifications, our phones have become quiet companions that steal our presence. Before your next meeting or meal, turn it off. Not silent-off.
The most meaningful connections happen face to face, not screen to screen.
Technology helps us work, but it shouldn’t lead the way in relationship-building.
Watch this short video to explore how presence creates belonging—and why your next great conversation starts with putting the phone away.

Sharp and Memorable

Lee Goldberg the weatherman on ABC news always “dresses up” for his appearances on World News Tonight with David Muir… including his glasses! How many pairs does he have?! Even when he reports the news from outside the studio, he looks great with a touch of “different.” And it’s just enough to register. In fact, I couldn’t remember his name, so I Googled “ABC weatherman, news with David Muir, and well dressed” and he popped up immediately! How about you? Yes, we all dress professionally, but what rings a bell with your style? Remember your KOLs make enough money to know what kind of clothes you are wearing. You don’t need a lot of them but make them distinctive. And frankly, well-made clothes last longer and their style is never lost. One specialist asked me if my suit was a Brunello Cucinelli. I replied, “No just a Zegna!” He raised an eyebrow and we both had a laugh. (I didn’t tell him it was my only one!) You don’t need to buy either of those, but invest in something that catches the eye. You can vary your “single suit” with things as simple as your tie, pocket square, polished shoes (always!), your next pair or two of glasses, or a pin from your university. Madeliene Albright, the Secretary of State in the Clinton Administration, had a collection of unique pins that always accompanied her outfits. She was a pin collector! I met her at a coffee shop in Chicago one day and I approached her and thanked her for her service, and she was very warm and kind, used to the attention. I then asked about the pin she was wearing. Bright eyes and a story followed. It was her thing for sure! 

Presence Speaks Louder Than Mute

We have an attorney on the faculty in the department I teach at Loyola University in Chicago who when participating in our meetings online looks as if she is in person with her smile, her reactions and responses, and her full engagement with the presenter. We should hire this person as our sometimes-one-and-only full participant. Also on a self-centered note, consider not just the presenter, think about your boss who is also scanning the crowd. Will you stand out like our attorney professor at Loyola?

Blank Stares or…

How good of an audience member are we? Presenters often face a sea of faces with few smiles, little emotion, and blank stares…or worse, heads down checking phones and squeezing in one or more emails. They tell us speakers to engage with our audiences and that usually involves a strong opening story, some humor, and our movement around the stage making eye contact with the audience. Online can be a sea of…videos off! They can see us, and we cannot see them. So, as an audience and meeting member consider how you look to the presenter, to your boss, and to your client.

Presence Over Perfection: Rethinking How We Show Up at Events

Ever walk past an exhibit table where the only thing moving is a scrolling phone screen? I’ve seen it so often, and it got me thinking. In my latest video, I share my take on how to shift from passive to present when you're at an event: how standing, making the first move, and having a clear, personal pitch can make all the difference. It’s not about being flashy—it’s about being approachable and memorable.