Let me share some snippets of my expertise with you. I hope you find them useful and if you would like to chat more, just…
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Enhance your presence
Go beyond name and noun. When you introduce a colleague, say the name and the role, of course, but add the personal and that humanizes them. This is Sal — he’s part of our IT department — and what I’ve noticed about him with clients (often me!) is that he goes beyond being an IT pro: he’s an educator. He doesn’t just solve my problem; he helps me understand it. He doesn’t just fix the issue, he fixes me!
Recently I was listening to a homily where the priest offered a simple truth: our everyday trinity often becomes me, myself, and I. That message made me think about how many times we center ourselves in a meeting or presentation instead of the people we're trying to help.
When we intentionally ground our work in shared values, both personal and organizational, we clarify what matters most for our audience and become more useful to others.
The video below explains how to get back to the trinity that actually serves our teams. What would change if your next message focused more on others and less on I, myself and me?
Are you a Lindsey Vonn? I was trying to wrap my head around the way she must process pain. And I wondered how she processed who her body once was and isn’t’ so much now. I wondered how you do it. This might be a good way to have a conversation not about our medial ills and issues, but better about our ‘head space’…how do you recover from disappointments, failures, firings, and not quite being who you used to be? Weigh in below please.
What if you started your presentations the way you start a great meal—dessert first? When you lead with the part your audience cares about most, everything that follows brings more clarity, energy, and purpose.
In this short video, I share how this simple shift can transform your impact and the way people listen from the moment you start talking.
“Think before you speak is an age-old, often‑repeated parental reminder; now it might be think twice before you write online—then don’t, especially if you feel the world really needs your opinion.
I often hear others say, ‘In my opinion…’ and I wonder if the world really needs that, especially when it comes to hot‑button issues. I saw a message online: ‘I probably shouldn’t say this but…’ Yes—correct—you might consider keeping that one to yourself. Or the ever‑famous, ‘I know I’ll get some blowback on this…’ or ‘This may be politically incorrect but…’ I’m not sure the world needs anything that ends with ‘but…’
I’d be interested in what all of you think about this. When do we actually need the personal opinions of others? Chime in below.”
What do you as a participant want most of all in your ‘regular team meetings”? Do you ever enter a meeting dying to see the agenda? Or do you sometimes wonder what all the others who are present think? And as the leader or facilitator go on and on, as you wander your mind, what do you wish they would ask all of us? Leaders prioritize the agenda; participants prioritize the check in. If you are running the meeting ask first and then again and a bit more often for full attention and buy in, that is the real agenda! How do they run meetings where you live and work? Jump in below and let us know.
I recently gave a presentation on presentation skills, and there are two things I always come back to: executive presence and the ability to present to executives. Those two elements shape how people experience you long before they remember a single slide.
Most of us walk into a presentation thinking about our PowerPoint, how we look, or what we hope the audience will take away. All important. But there’s another layer that changes everything: your energy.
I use a simple practice that helps me show up with clarity and intention. Before I present, I write out what I want participants to walk away with. Then I write a short “testimonial” as if a participant were describing my session afterward. That exercise alone raises my energy and sharpens my focus.
You can use the same approach in your meetings, even when you’re not leading.
-What do I most want to say in this meeting.
-What would I want someone in the room, or even my boss, to say about my contribution.
Energy changes delivery. It changes presence. It changes how people hear you in a presentation, a team meeting, or even a family conversation. Try it and see what shifts for you.
I was listening to a physician interview recently and tuned in late but heard him quote someone else: “Don’t compare me to the Almighty; compare me to the alternative.” How is comparison going for you? I’m noticing with myself and with my university students as well as with my physician and nurse clients that the tendency to compare is all too common with pretty disastrous results.
Any time we compare we engage in ‘vertical’ thinking, someone is ‘up’ and someone is ‘down’. This seesaw of superiority and inferiority is not only bad for the diminished one, but also for the one on top too. Elite athletes may be competing ‘against’ someone or some record, but when they let their hair down the real competition is withing themselves. This is probably a useful way to compare but when we are in constant competition with others mentally, we run the risk of diminishment happening every day. “I have to be better than you, and you, and you. Simply saying that puts me I an inferior position every day scrambling for a superior position.
In high school, one of my teachers was a priest who founded the chapels at Midway and O’Hare. Despite being deeply spiritual, his homilies never lasted more than three minutes—he used a clicker with a timer and stuck to it.
It makes you wonder: how much clarity, focus, and impact could we create if we treated our updates, reports, or requests the same way?
Instead of talking at people, what if we shared the essentials… and then paused long enough for them to respond
?Watch the short video and see how a three‑minute mindset can change the way we communicate.
Have you used AI in your work? Consider using it in your pre-work, look it over, set it aside, and then write or develop your plan, PowerPoint, or meeting from your inner expert. Let AI remind you or help you break the barriers of your thinking, but beware using it as your expert. You are the expert the audience or the team or your boss wants to hear from. Going from AI to your boardroom presentation will look shallow and a bit fake simply because it is not tapping what the audience wants from you…they want YOU…especially your ‘take’ on things, your way of thinking about the issue, and your recommendations. Even planning a trip with your family…sure AI will give you a great routing…your job is the side trips, the songs in the car, and the adventures yet to happen because you used YOU.
I was in my suit shop the other day getting measured for some shirts and I mentioned that I used magnetic stays in the collars to make them stand up a bit without a tie. As she measured, my favorite customer helper asked, “How do you like them?” I was happy with them. She said, “Here is an alternative with a hidden button that does just the same thing. Want to try it on a shirt or two? And if you don’t like it, we can just switch out the collars.” Now, how do I say ‘no’ to that? It was an inevitable sale since either way I’d be OK. Then I remembered all the times in the past she’d ‘suggested’ …and I never had to bring anything back to switch out! When you suggest to your clients, do you also provide a soft guarantee such as this? (This can even work with your children!)
When responding to a customer who knows you well, consider asking about how their family is and then give about 4 or 6 lines in the email to how your family is doing. This humanizes your relationship and invites them to disclose more to you also. You do this not to sell or persuade or to get the deal…you do this out of human connection, real human connection. And sometimes the byproduct is a cooperative secured working relationship.
Hope might not be a strategy, but it is an emotional transmission that fuels movement. Just like that old college car stick shift that you had (or have a better model now!), movement happens when the clutch and the gear shift work in harmony. Hope may not be the plan and certainly is not the strategy, but it is the one thing to prevent the worst part of a team progress: discouragement. Your team will not tell you when they are discouraged but it you are alert you will see it in their eyes, in the way they come late, delay, or have no life in their voice. Paint hope, picture hope, talk about hope…it is all about movement.
“Think of it as….”
“Sort of like…”
“It is as if….”
“I remember this one time when…”
“I once noticed…”
“One of my professors remarked that…”
In your meetings and presentation keep using metaphors and stories to keep the audience in alignment with you, to keep them interested, and to turn your expertise into useful information. One of my attorney clients said with some exasperation, “How many ways can I explain the term ‘negligence’?” To all of us non-lawyers it is worth the effort. Your audience will always be polite and nod in agreement but retain nothing! So, check at the end of any technical explanation with the simple and powerful, “I’m trying to get better at this. Please tell me in your own words what you think negligence is.” You will be amazed how clear you were…or maybe you’ll have some clearing up to do!
A long-ago voice on radio and television, the preeminent interviewer Larry King, wrote: “Nothing I say today is going to teach me anything. So, if I am going to learn I must do it by listening.” Now the ironic part of this quote is that Larry was married eight times, twice to the same woman. So, this advice worked at work, maybe less at home? A quick check-up, how well do I listen at home and with friends like I listen to my KOL, my colleagues, and my boss? Remind myself: Everyone loves hearing a good listener!
Ever try to praise your child or your employee and it seems to flop on delivery? “You are great…smart…perfect…amazing…awesome (most overused word of the decade by the way!)…better than…etc.” You may often hear the response, “Oh no I’m not…Amy is much better than I am…kind of you to say, but…” This may be worth considering when you tell me I am smart and I don’t think I am, I mentally cancel you out. When you compare me favorably to others and I know they are more capable, I cancel you out. And if you do it publicly, I really cancel you out either because I am embarrassed or because I am silently thinking, “It’s about time you noticed me, dude!” Cancelled out again! However, what if you commented on my progress, effort, or even our relationship? “I noticed the work you put into this report and it really shows.” Or “I appreciated when you spoke up at the Board meeting to set the record straight. It took courage and it paid off for our team. Thank you.” Or “I noticed your touch on the patient’s back and how his entire face relaxed when you did so. I saw your special magic happen. Thank you.” This is called the Skill of Encouragement which always begins with “I” and some form of appreciate or like or a personal noticing. It is always delivered as only your appreciation for what you noticed with a bit of wonderment attached. The receiver may or may not take it and that is their choice. Our experience with the skill however is that it is “sticky”…it persists in their memory.
How many letters do you have after your name? DO? RN? MD? CPE? MBA? CRNA? MHA? NP? FACHE? Whew, some of you have a lot of them! And they do define a part of us. A member of a meeting mentioned the following about a physician that was not present, “He’s a really good surgeon, but…” Immediately a nurse spoke up with, “If you have to put a ‘but’ after his name…he’s not that good!” Awkward silence began! Do you know some terrific people who have those three silent letters, ‘but’… after their name in your mind? True or not, deserved or not, even perfectly descriptive or not, that ‘but’ after their name not only hurts them, it hurts you: how you interact with them, speak about them, and judge them. The old saying that holding a resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die! Our presence is fully dependent on how we enhance the other’s presence. Consultant Char Wenc advises, “Be present and have presence” and these two words are not always the same. One of my grad students put it a bit differently with the same meaning: “Showing up is not always showing up!” (It sounds better than it reads!) If we add three letters, ‘AND’, after their name then the fullness of the life of the person, despite their flaws, enriches us with full presence. This week listen to how the word ‘but’ is used with people and ideas at meetings and how disconnected it can be. Or if you’re feeling really brave, see if you spot the possible ‘but’ when listening to a spouse or child wanting to go somewhere…now!
As I listen to many sides of our life today at citizens of the world, I hear the perennial question of “What Can I Do”? And more so, “What Can One Person Do?” It makes me reflect on my grandparents and maybe yours too who came across the ocean leaving everything they knew behind and sailing to an uncertain future. Or that one person who is quite famous that you admire. They were also a one person who asked, “What Can I Do” and moved it to “This I Must Do.” How did they have the courage, the insight, the willingness to leave behind their past and sail into the new.
I’ve written before about how much we value our opinion and how little others do! Check my website for past posts on this. Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, the famous Adlerian psychiatrist from Chicago cautioned us that feelings are the movers for us, they are the gas in our tank. They help us feel and figure out what is going on with us. They just don’t belong in the driver’s seat…that is where good judgment resides. Social media has been blowing up lately, many times (or most times) with people’s opinions. Their reactions. Their gas tanks! You can almost tell who started typing before thinking. I’d like to suggest another approach for your social media, your meetings at work, your conversations over a beer, or even your call home from your hotel: consider ‘How do I want to respond to this person, event, or issue’? This gives you time (and a bit more time) to decide what you will say to the world or to your spouse or partner that you really want public…and how you expect it to better your relationship with the world or those at home. Many years ago, the American Psychiatric Association offered that change really happens when we are listened to, when we are attended to, when we are helped to focus, and when we are encouraged. What strikes me about that formula is that it is other focused, perhaps even dialog focused. In the book “The Advice Trap” by Michael Bungay Stanier he gives away the entire content of the book with the subtitle: “Be Humble, Stay Curious, and Change the Way You Lead Forever.” I’m not sure we need each other’s opinions or advice…maybe we need to discuss the questions and the feelings that are deeper down.
Mark LeBlanc, CSP, CPAE recommended many years ago to divide a paper into columns and simply brainstorm many (many!) words randomly. The columns can be labeled anything you want…I use adjective, noun, and adverb but you could use colors, towns, countries, etc. Then start circling combinations of those words. This could be used for a book title, a new concept, a kick start for thinking, a vacation experience you never considered before…and perhaps for using your Thought Leadership skills in your daily life at work and at home also in the quiet of your time with yourself. Try it and then notice what is better or different about your thinking, your creativity, even that next vacation!
