What do your visitors actually want and need?

When you are asked by an outside group for a tour of your facility, don't just think of it as a marketing activity. Instead think of the audience. Who are they? What will help them solve their problem? Why did they pick your facility?

Do they really need to know how many trauma surgeries you did last year, or instead do they need to tour your trauma department and talk to the surgeons and nurses? Do they really need to endure the standard dog-and-pony PowerPoint program or do they actually need a time to have a robust Q&A with, not your CEO or CNO, but rather your most endearing ED nurse?

When you are asked for the tour, first find out what your visitors actually want and need.

Take the risk

When is the last time you took a risk? Calculated perhaps, but none the less risk. A leap of faith? A time you spoke up first at a meeting? A time when you silenced your usual meeting speech or even a time when you realized you didn’t need to be at that meeting at all!?

It’s amazing to look back over our lives and notice the risks we did take, the ones that worked and the ones that didn’t, and to then ask ourselves what we now know even more about ourselves.

Richard Rohr wrote, “It is never a straight line, but always three steps forward and two backward—and the backward creates much of the knowledge and impetus for the forward.”

Brighten up a room

“There you are!” Ever wondered about the vibe you bring when you enter a room? Your presence has power! Whether it's at work, home, or anywhere else, the energy you carry can truly light up the space. Next time you step into a room, remember, you've got the magic to make it brighter! Watch this video to learn more.

Be the "Boss Whisperer"

Have you ever considered leading your boss? What your boss, maybe every boss, needs is a fellow traveller to notice what they did well, to suggest a next step, to console, and to consider a possible ‘plan B’.

Make sure you don’t tell them you are mentoring them or leading them. Instead take yourself out of your appointed role from time to time and instead of “speaking truth to power” consider your own power to speak to a fellow struggler, a fellow traveller, a fellow person who is doing the best they can at this very particular moment.

They are just like you with all the fears and chaos and worries that you have. They might just need you to be their “boss whisperer”!

Make your team meetings more effective

Make your weekly team meetings more effective by having everyone come together to solve each other’s problems. No more updates, no more reports, just real team working. Learn more in this video!

“Remember, solving a problem does not have to be the ultimate solution, it means we’re on the right track.”

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

One of my bosses (I’m a consultant so at any given time I have about 60 of them!) told his staff yesterday how to best communicate with him. Interesting!

Working Today?

How do you like and not like how to be communicated with…and do your people know?

Family Time Today?

How do you manage quiet time at your home, for you and for each person?

On Your Own Today?

How do those closest to you want you to show them? If you want…you could ask!

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

Recently, I was teaching an international class and using a common American expression. I said something to the effect of “I had a monkey on my back” meaning that I was burdened, had an annoyance hounding me, that I was upset. An African in the group looked puzzled by the analogy and I recognized I made the error of assuming that everyone used this expression. We spoke a bit as I explained the meaning. His eyes lit up and then he said, “Oh, your cow fell in the river!” With that common expression from his village, I felt completely understood. Empathy across cultures! Not the skill, but the experience. “Yea, my cow fell in the river!” (I imagine the entire village needing to help with that one!)

Working Today?

How do you recover when your cow gets stuck in the river. Ask for help? Do it yourself? What is your first impulse?

Family Time Today?

You might tell the little ones this story and have them draw it! For the older ones perhaps have everyone recall a time when they felt misunderstood.

On Your Own Today?

There is a Japanese psychologist who has a three-sided triangular piece on his table. One side says, “Poor Me!...the second side says, “Those bad people.” And the third has the quote, “So what am I going to do now?” When his clients come in, he hands them the triangle and says, “So what are we going to talk about today?”

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

I spent a weekend a few years ago at a blogger’s conference in Boise, Idaho. A 28-year-old mom of two made $1M last year blogging…about blogging! Another mom of three is on target to make $200,000 blogging about succulent plants (she is going to spin off cactus since she wants to further specialize…two years ago she didn’t know what succulent meant!); and yet another nets over $85,000 teaching other moms how to take pictures of their children!

The accomplished author Seth Godin was there but the really impressive people were the new bloggers, stars in their eyes not for money but for what Godin called their mission “to amplify and connect” with their audience. Each of them, the successful and the brand new (one that I met said she started 8 weeks ago and already made $500…and she said it as if it were $500,000!) Each of them had an area to teach and every single person I spoke to emphasized trust as the foundation of their success, their blog, and their reason for being. Their job was to engender trust with and for and to their own personal ‘community” of bloggers, succulent-ers, and moms.

Working Today?

How do you “amplify and connect” with others online or in person? How much are you aware that you are doing so, or do you wait for it to come naturally? These bloggers don’t wait.

Family Time Today?

Try picture time as if you were at a studio with a professional and let the kids even the little ones take some too.

On Your Own Today?

Speaking of blogging…one blogger specializes in restoring old trailers…like the kind you travel and live in. She’s been a devoted rehabber since her late teens, is admittedly a bit obsessive (!), and makes money doing this since there are apparently other people who do this too or at least like reading about someone who does. What is one of your quirks? There are more like you out there!?

Make a difference today!

One of my physician groups is now beginning procedures with:

On a scale of 1-10 (10 best) how do you feel today and why? (Only say 'why' if you want). The leader goes first and I tell them not be “10” all the time. After the leader has listened to their team's answers, they say something along the lines of “Thank you…I appreciate knowing how you are today because we are here today for Mrs/Mr _____ and I want to make sure that as a team we bring our best selves to them. Knowing how you feel will help us all be aware.”

Working Today?

How do you know how your team is doing…beyond the usual “How are you?” or “Are we good?” or simply not asking at all. When we greet each other, look into the eyes, the “windows of the soul” as Shakespeare put it. When we are emotionally aware of ourselves and of others, without judgment, we are in a better position to know the important self that others bring to work that can help or hinder.

Family Time Today?

This might be fun depending on the age of your children…ask: "what animal you are feeling like today?" and get them to impersonate the animal. What does that tell you about how they are feeling? Brave like a lion? Strong as an ox? Wise like an owl?

On Your Own Today?

And you knew this was coming…1-10 for you? And why? And just for fun, what animal do you feel like? Self-awareness is a very good thing!

Make a difference today!

I met an Army helicopter instructor whose job it was to teach new helicopter pilots how to fly…at night! He began every time with “How do you feel tonight?” He often got enthusiastic responses, excitement, “feeling jazzed,” and the like. To which he would say, “Up there where we are going in the dark of this night there are no marriage problems, no money issues, there is no room for anything except you and me and this machine and the mission…are you ready now?” Soberly he would get direct eye contact with a “Yes, sir.” Focus. Alignment. Ready. As if their lives depended on it!

Working Today?

There is some fun that work will bring you today. Some excitement too. Allow the joy to happen without judgment…savor it. At your work today it is possible that the people, or that one person you truly connect with will be your sole mission, not in the dark but in the light of awareness.

Family Time Today?

Try a family discussion over dinner: “What supersedes any activity or work or routine? Is it family, loyalty, devotion, understanding?”

On Your Own Today?

It might be fun to take your own imaginary helicopter ride…what would you see? Who would you take? How ‘with’ them would you be?

Make a difference today!

Lester Thurow was an economist who took the complex to the masses. After Jimmy Carter did not appoint him as his economic advisor Thurow said, “I decided that if I could not have the king’s ear, I would talk to the public,” …he was the early advocate who warned about the gap between the very rich and the very poor; an unsustainable tension. He too was criticized for being bold and having a bold message 20 years before the debate we now confront.

Working Today?

Notice who is working for you, with you, and alongside of you today and consider what life is like for them. Rich and poor, same and different, soft and hard…who are these people and what is life like for them?

Family Time Today?

Maybe a good time to talk to your children about the topic again without judgment but just awareness…what is life like for this person?

On Your Own Today?

Where have you come from? What was life like for your parents, grandparents, and great grandparents? Who did what that allowed you to be who you are?

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

The father of physician hand washing in the mid-1800’s, Ignaz Semmelweis, was right that doctors should wash their hands before they deliver babies. This even reduced death and infection to less than 1%, and yet he was roundly critiqued by his fellow physicians since he couldn’t say why it worked…later Louis Pasteur had to do that with the discovery of germ theory. But Ignaz was the guy who knew he was right and did it anyway. He boldly moved forward anyway despite the criticism and women and babies lived because of it. Even his wife didn’t agree, and he wound up in what was then called an insane asylum!

Working Today?

What are you noticing that seems a bit out of whack? Even small things can take our notice when we decide to notice. Not to nit-pick, but instead to see what stands in our way, clutters our view, or is just unnecessary. Meetings can fall into this category or even parts of meetings. Stay alert. It is highly unlikely your spouse will commit you to a full-time living arrangement under guard.

Family Time Today?

Here you can have some fun doing things differently. I’m a fan of taking the family to Denny’s for dinner and order dessert first! This your spouse may consider weird till your spouse sees the love and affection your children of any age pour on you!

On Your Own Today?

Take some time to examine the day at the end of the day. The who, what, and why of the day, the good and the bad…now just let it pass by you with as little judgment about yourself as possible.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

A friend of mine was studying ministry on the West coast early in his career. He was engaged in a required set of courses, Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) which was conducted at the hospital where he was a chaplain in training. CPE is more than your typical course: you are the chaplain on duty, often for 24 hours sleeping at the hospital, if you can. One of the first experiences required of him and his class was that they were to watch an autopsy. CPE wants to get chaplains ready to work with death since this will be a daily part of their job. He told me that he dreaded this experience. He was worried that he would become ill, embarrassed, and wanted very much not to do this!

The physician entered the room, the body was draped with a white cloth, and the students were lined up on the other side of the table. The doctor said: “Today we will perform an autopsy on a body, a body that belongs to a family, a family that is desperate for answers. Our job, our work, is to help them find those answers. These tools and our skills will help us help them. The gift we will give them is the gift of understanding, perhaps a form of closure. Shall we begin?”

My friend said that to his surprise, he leaned forward and watched with rapt attention. The physician had not only helped him understand the procedure; the physician was empathizing with the family.

Working Today?

So what changed? Still an autopsy, still a body, still not pretty! His attitude, his understanding, his ‘why’ changed and that changed everything. At work today, what might need some changing for your way of looking at things? Maybe take a different way to work today, sit in a different place, or talk to a different (or difficult!) person. And consider being empathic.

Family Time Today?

It has been said that people don’t mind change; they mind being changed! The famous psychiatrist, Rudolf Dreikurs, advised that we can never require cooperation; we can only win it. With that in mind, especially in times of conflict with a five year old or your spouse, how can you win their cooperation…instead of trying to win!

On Your Own Today?

Empathy is a psychological skill, a skill we use to deepen relationships. It is also an experience of the spirit. To see and use empathy as a skill only would be as a surgeon uses a scalpel. Just as the surgeon’s skills with the scalpel are important, so are the surgeon’s understanding and sensitivity. She uses the skill for a greater purpose.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

One of the two most precious things in our life: time. We will never get even one minute back and we are never quite sure if we even have one more. One of the companies I work with has leadership ‘stand up’ meetings where the assignment is:

- What’s been better or different lately? (This question avoids complaining)
- What are you working on that we need to know about? (This invites interest)
- What help do you need from the rest of us? (This promotes teamwork)

Working Today?

For your next meeting try this strategy…well, maybe for your next 6 meetings (change is hard for people!)

Longest meeting? 29 minutes!
Normal one? 20 minutes!

Try figuring out what isn’t needed in those usual one hour meetings...not necessarily a faster meeting but a better meeting in a shorter time.

Family Time Today?

What question do you usually use to open up a family dinner discussion? Try a different one next time. “What did you do in school today?” is so 50’s! What if you asked “OK folks I’m going to tell you 2 truths and a lie…which are the truths?”

On Your Own Today?

Which ‘lie’ would you have liked to have actually done? What is stopping you from making it a truth?

The 4 T's

When I did some post graduate work at Loyola University’s Medical School our professor always put things in four categories that were easy to remember: Trust, Touch, Time, and Talk. These were her components for every encounter, clinical or interpersonal, administrative, or even marriage and family. When Dr. Renshaw died this was part of her legacy. Unfortunately, she did not train an associate to take over her clinic and so all we are left with is this important memory of her words for us. She was very bold and stirred things up when she was practicing, a real powerhouse of boldness and elegant simplicity.

Working Today?

Write down each of the 4 T’s on a note card and then simply today consider each as you encounter your next patient, staff, colleague, and even service person. What is required of you if you remember Dr. Renshaw’s prompts?

Family Time Today?

Which particular “T” is most appropriate for a family member today…not what they have to do for you…but you for them.

On Your Own Today?

Trust yourself just a bit more today than you usually do…and then see what happens.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

A pioneer in Healthcare data, Dr. Lawrence Weed, died in 2017. He is the one who in the early 1950’s came up with the idea of coordinated medical health records…not just random doctor notes on a chart that the next doctor had to decipher. His system was called POMR (problem oriented medical record) and along with that the now common SOAP (subjective, objective, assessment and plan) method for clinical note taking and communication used universally today. He discovered this not by just thinking about it but by actually going on rounds with residents. Then he boldly decided to do something about it.

Working Today?

Who might need you to go on “rounds” with them today, if only for a few minutes? And do so in order to discover or learn something, not to check up on someone.

Family Time Today?

See tonight through the eyes of a family member, even through the eyes of your dog. What is that like? How different for you? When Dr. Frederick Leboyer wrote “Birth Without Violence”…seeing birth from the baby’s perspective vs. the convenience of the doctor’s perspective he was wildly criticized by his fellow doctors until…guess what? Until the moms and dads read his book! Then things changed! And today we have birthing rooms! His bold vision, once unique and seen as crazy, is commonplace today…because he saw things differently.

On Your Own Today?

Consider writing today…bloggers write at least 1,000 words a day, double that and you’ll be at a million for the year. My sister has written over 75 books; she writes every day as do many successful writers. Then she edits. But without the writing, there is no editing! Blog, journal, reflect or write a thank you note, a handwritten, stamped and mailed one! See what happens.

Confront a Strength

Did you ever notice a strength, (some call it a superpower!) in a colleague or friend and it is perhaps so subtle that they seem unaware of it?

One physician I know seems to always make the other person #1 when speaking with them but seems completely unaware she’s doing it. That’s a superpower. Another knows she is a good mom but has a real knack for individualizing each of her four children allowing each to grow at their rate not the rate of the eldest one. That’s a superpower. Or perhaps it is a dental hygienist who educates as she cleans not only saying what she is doing but why it is important. That’s a superpower.

The reason we call it ‘confront’ is the literal meaning of the term…”to put in front of.” This is an opportunity to speak to the other about their attention to detail, their kindness in the face of evil, their ability to engage with others, to develop others with patience, to understand another person. As Alfred Adler noted, “To truly understand another person we must see with their eyes, hear with their ears, to feel with their heart.”

What I’ve found interesting about this skill is that what is often readily obvious to us is not always seen by the other. They are blissfully unaware. And when you mention it to them, they even take a moment to try to take it all in. Often, I get a response such as, “Huh, I hadn’t noticed that.” Or “Well thanks, yes, I see that now.”

So, this week….confront with a strength!

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

Remember this? Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.

James Shatner as Capt. James T. Kirk every beginning of every episode each and every time! He wasn’t the first captain, but he was the one who lasted and whose voice is imprinted in our memory.

Working Today?

What is the memory you would like to imprint at work? One of my colleagues who travels away from work frequently tells her staff, “I’m out to make us all famous!” Another says, “Let’s change somebody’s world today!” still another simply says, “We are so fortunate to be able to enter this patient’s life today…and I’m fortunate to have you.” Can you imagine being on any of their teams? The repeated use is the key…and of course, sincerely so!

Family Time Today?

What’s your family motto? One of my professors had one for and with his family, “Do what love requires.” Actually in a characteristic undemocratic way, he selected the motto without input and used it for all kinds of occasions; garage cleaning, snow shoveling, etc…worked like a charm! It was his favorite until his mother-in-law needed a place to live and he scoured every senior community he could find until one of his kids reminded him of the motto! Welcome to your new home mom!

On Your Own Today?

Do you have a personal motto? Hmmmm…what would it be if you were to create one now? How often do we remind ourselves of it…especially when our decisions become difficult?

Encourage

This is the skill that Alfred Adler said cannot be overdone. It is different than praise (“You are a smart kid!”) and instead seeks to point out what has happened from your understanding (“Your effort every night prior to the exam really paid off. I was impressed with how consistent you were.”) Praise is a kind of personal judgment about how someone looks, their hair, clothing, their speech, or project. It is often easy to say, captured in a few generic words. Encouragement on the other hand requires more thought on our part as to what we liked, learned, or appreciated about the other person. This is the stuff that belongs at our earliest effective parent conferences and to our annual corporate performance appraisals. When done well we not only know what we did but we get an insight into how we did it, its impact, its staying power.

I encourage my physician clients to end every clinical encounter with a final 12 second message to each patient, “Can I tell you something I noticed about you today that impressed me?” Nobody will refuse that request!

So, this week….You don’t have to be a doctor to say, “Can I tell you something I noticed about you today that impressed me?” Try it out on flight attendants and wait staff…nobody ever says it to them and if you feel you messed up, hey, you will never see them again! Messing up is an option but rarely a reality. Remember it is about what you “liked, learned, or appreciated.”

Make a difference today!

Years ago, one of the original Saturday Night Live cast members, Nora Dunn, was in my class with the actress Olympia Dukakis and told my acting students, “Your job is not to please the audience, your job is to engage the audience…and in the engagement, that is when they will be pleased.” Today I would like to engage your thoughts and I encourage you to engage with a special other.

Working Today?

Asking questions is the key to engagement. You do not have to be the smartest person in the room, the official leader, or the main presenter: you simply have to use your own curiosity to ask a good question. It is in the considering and in the answering that we engage and even educate ourselves and them.

Family Time Today?

Ever tell your children why you named them the names they have? Who they are named for, what was going through your mind as you named them, what history is involved? And what your name means too. I was part of a group of business executives who were asked this question and the discussion went well beyond the ‘ice breaker’ it was originally intended to accomplish.

On Your Own Today?

Use names today especially with fast food clerks, hotel people, and signing off of a phone call. One of my children who is well into his 30’s always ends our phone talks with either “love you dad” or “good-bye dad”…the ‘dad’ is always a part of the farewell. I’ve been trying this lately with whomever I am on the phone with and it adds a nice personal touch…especially when on the phone with someone I don't know personally such as the bank, airline, or 800 number I’m calling. Make note of the name and then use it.