Why Listening Is a Leadership Superpower

We often think change happens because of a new directive, a polished mission statement, or yet another lengthy email. But real change doesn't work that way.

Research and experience continue to show that people are more likely to change when they feel heard. When someone listens, helps us focus on what matters, and works with us as a partner, we become open to new perspectives and possibilities.

In this video, I discuss why change isn't driven by logic, but by connection, listening, and partnership.

🎥 Watch the video and rethink what it takes to inspire change.

Hierarchy or Contribution?

Many organizations are built vertically: one person at the top and many others below. But what if we thought differently?

Drawing inspiration from the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), where every role is critical—from doctors and nurses to support staff and cleaners—success becomes a true team effort. In environments like these, value isn't determined by hierarchy, but by contribution.

This perspective challenges us to rethink how we work together. When we focus more on the impact each person brings, we create stronger collaboration, greater trust, and a deeper sense of shared purpose.

Watch this short video to explore how shifting from hierarchy to contribution can transform teamwork, engagement, and organizational success. What would change if everyone felt equally important to the mission?

See one. Do one. Teach one.

We hear this a lot in medicine, but it also applies to leadership.

If you want to truly learn something, teach it. In this short video, I share a simple way to accelerate your growth by leaning into that mindset.

Take a minute to watch the video below:

Is it true that...?

I primarily teach physician leaders what they may not have learned in medical school—leadership, team dynamics, and executive presence.

When I meet them, I usually start by asking about their specialty and how they chose that path. When I meet a pediatrician, I ask a question I already know the answer to: “Is it true that children are not just little adults?”

With a 100% response rate, they all say yes, and then they go on to explain why, sharing stories about their patients, their families, and their experiences. Sometimes, they’ll even point out that the “patient” is actually the parent.

I do the same with nurses, whether active or retired: “Is it true that once a nurse, always a nurse?” The stories flow immediately.

I recently spoke with travel insurance underwriters. While I’m no expert in their field, all I had to ask was: “Did you go to school to become an underwriter?” Most of them laughed, and the stories began.

Be curious. Stay curious. Even when you think you know the answer, you don’t know the story.

That mindset is at the heart of my work. I teach physician and nurse leaders the things medical training often overlooks: executive presence, communicating with senior leaders, and leading teams made up of their former peers.

Why What and Who

A lot has been said about the “why” these days. Simon Sinek’s famous presentation and book, "Begin with Why", has received many mentions, and rightly so. It has been a great help to many of us and has made me think about the why’s cousins: what and who.

Maybe start with who. Who is your boss, customer, partner, or spouse? Who are they really? As Humphrey Bogart says to Ilsa in Casablanca while in Paris, “Who are you really? And where were you before? What did you do and what did you think?” She coyly demurs, and he concludes with the famous line, “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

That’s the movies, but how about you and your boss? Do you know where she came from? Where she really came from? Not just her last company, but her story. Do you know what medical school was like for her? Or what growing up on a farm was like? Or what moment brought her here?

In my experience, regardless of who this person is now before me, a few genuine questions can reveal a great deal, especially if you feel they are distant, not so nice, demanding, etc.

One surgeon said, “Our family is Asian. Success and perfection mean everything to us. I find it hard to lead a team without being like my parents. Excuses never existed in my family.”

Who do you need to know better?

And then comes the what. What is important to them? What does their boss want from them? What pressures are they under? What do I need to know that I don’t know, but should know?

I teach physician leaders what they were not taught in medical school: executive presence, presenting to executives, and leading teams of their former peers.

Gonna

I am in the company of many of my peers who are “Gonna write a book someday when I get a chance.”
Are you ‘gonna’ clean your garage or basement someday when you get a chance?
I was a ‘gonna’ and still am plenty of times.
So, I was giving this some thought and would appreciate your take on it too.

I wonder if ‘gonna’ translates into ‘could’…if I wanted to. In essence an excuse to not try, to possibly fail, to fall and not get up. I can, then, tell myself that I’m OK, perhaps superior, and certainly have all the good motives I know I have.

Like our kids who don’t do their homework: “I could do it, I just don’t want to.” And therefore, like me and a few others we are never put to the test hiding behind our ‘gonna.’

I teach physician leaders what they did not teach in medical school: executive presence, presenting to executives, and leading teams of their former peers.

What do you know that I don’t know, that I should know?

A friend once shared a story about a Chief Medical Officer who made a simple but powerful change.

Every Thursday afternoon, he gathered his nurses and asked one question:
“What do you know that I don’t know, that I should know?”

At first, the nurses were skeptical.
Is this a trick question?
Is it safe to be honest?

But over time, the answers started coming...abundantly.
And the CMO later said he learned more on those Thursday afternoons than in any other meeting he attended.

That question is a powerful reminder for all of us.

When we’re speaking, presenting, or sitting in front of a board, people aren’t looking for rehearsed perfection. They’re looking for your take, your perspective, your insight, what you see that others might miss.

Your point of view is valuable.

If they didn’t believe you had something they didn’t already know, they wouldn’t have asked you to speak.

This short video is a reminder to bring that mindset into every conversation.
Watch and let me know: What do you know that others should know, but maybe haven’t asked you yet?

Working With a Boss Who’s Not Your Age

It’s becoming increasingly common to have a boss who’s decades older or younger than you. Generational stereotypes aside, that gap can create a sense of separation. This video looks at how to bridge that space—not by trying to change your boss or compare yourself to them, but by using your own intentional interpersonal skills to understand how they think, how they work, and how you can collaborate more effectively. It’s about getting in sync, knowing where to go when you’re stuck, and showing up as a colleague they can count on.

The Pyramid

There is a Japanese therapist who has a three-sided pyramid in his office. One side says, ‘those bad people’ the second side says, ‘poor me’ and the third side says, “so what am I going to do about this’? When you come for therapy, he hands you the pyramid and says, “So what should we talk about today?”

Bridging the Age Gap in Leadership

Is your supervisor or boss significantly older than you…or significantly younger? And by this I don’t mean what generation category they belong to. I mean how do you deal with them on a human level? What skills do you find yourself using more and more to create less distance, more understanding, more collaboration despite the ‘differences’ we feel? Let us know how it is for you, especially if you are that boss?

Finding the Balance in What We Share

“In conversations, we all tend to lean one way or the other. Some of us share everything and overwhelm the other person. Others hold back so much that people have to pull information out of us.

In this video, I talk about what it looks like to land in the middle, to disclose just enough. If you want to communicate with more clarity and intention, this one’s worth a watch.

Choosing the Pace That Serves You

I’m making 2026 business travel arrangements and for as many as I can, I’m not rushing home in rush hour or worse on the red eye but rather taking that extra night with a mid-morning return. I’ll have a dinner or two with a nearby friend or past customer, take a walk, write my notes, maybe even be free to have dinner with my client. Yep, that’s what I’m going to do in 2026!

Say the Good Things Now

I’ve been to a bit more funerals lately than I’d like. I’m Irish and we see death as a time to celebrate…Irish wakes! And with each funeral I attended I wondered if we all told this person how fabulous they were when they were alive! With your customers and friends and employees…how about doing just that. A quick “I was thinking about you today” and I want to tell you what I was thinking about you. Then consider any one of these openers: What I liked, learned, or appreciated about you. Don’t leave it on voice mail…make them call you back! Don’t say it all the time in an email, write a thank you note or card, handwritten. And do it with absolutely no intention of another deal or contract as a result. You might even try it with your children or extended family. We all have plenty of time in the car to make a spontaneous call. And just think of the responder’s very good vibes from your thoughtful call.

From “To‑Do” to “To‑Be”: Filling the Blank Spaces of 2026

When I received the wall calendar for our home for 2026…it was blank. Usually, we fill it in as the year progresses with events…but I noticed from the 2025 calendar we didn’t fill it in with hopes and wishes and dreams. We keep looking at it to forecast what we have to do, but not what we want to be this year. Notes in blank places about our wished trip soon back to Iceland (when the sun is out!), or Paris again, or better that ‘never been there yet’ place. On my business calendar I can do the same with new businesses to meet, old clients I’ve lost touch with, and new skills I’d like to acquire. We look at these everyday calendars enough for our ‘to do’ list, but as President of High Point University, Nido Qubein taught me many years ago the shortest ‘to do’ list is called the ‘to be’ list.

AI Can Support Your Work, But It Can’t Replace You

Have you used AI in your work? Consider using it in your pre-work, look it over, set it aside, and then write or develop your plan, PowerPoint, or meeting from your inner expert. Let AI remind you or help you break the barriers of your thinking, but beware using it as your expert. You are the expert the audience or the team or your boss wants to hear from. Going from AI to your boardroom presentation will look shallow and a bit fake simply because it is not tapping what the audience wants from you…they want YOU…especially your ‘take’ on things, your way of thinking about the issue, and your recommendations. Even planning a trip with your family…sure AI will give you a great routing…your job is the side trips, the songs in the car, and the adventures yet to happen because you used YOU.

Recipe for Life

In this video, I share Muhammad Ali’s powerful answer to the question of how he wanted to be remembered. His “recipe” is simple yet profound. Ali’s words remind us that legacy isn’t built in grand gestures, but in everyday choices of service, respect, and courage.

Watch the full video to hear his recipe in his own words.
What’s your recipe for how you want to be remembered?

Accent Your Interaction

I like hearing accents. I used to ask those I met who had an accent (even New Yorkers!), “Where are you from?” or “Where are you from originally?” Now I ask, “How many languages do you speak?” That gets a better response. My X-ray tech said, “Two! English and Bulgarian.” I asked, “You been there?” She laughed and said, “I was born there!” (she did not add “dumb ass”!) We spoke about the beauty of her homeland and a recommendation to go for a visit. She then asked with a knowing wry smile, “How many languages do you speak?” I responded with a smile, “I’m an American, just one! But I’m also Irish so I am fluent in sarcasm.” A fun short time in X-ray with a possible trip to a new place, maybe!

Let My Fingers Do the Thinking

As we experiment with Artificial Intelligence, I’ve noticed that many of my colleagues rave about how much “content” they can produce using AI saving them time and, perhaps, creativity. Before the internet, our parents used phone directories. Quite literally books with everyone’s name, address, and phone number. The “Yellow Pages” were the commercial sections where you’d find your doctor, plumber, or gift shop. The advertisement was “Let your fingers do the walking.” I wonder if with AI we let our fingers do the talking, writing, “contenting”… all to our discredit. If our posts are really just you and me telling AI to write something that we allude to but not fully write ourselves, exactly how authentic is it? How authentic will it sound? Would we write a letter to a best friend with terminal cancer using AI? Or a valentine? Or a eulogy? I see uses for AI but I never use them to post, write, or correspond. I want my fingers to help me do my thinking and my connecting.

Be prepared to get the person’s voicemail

Have you ever received a voicemail that sounds like a car commercial on the radio when they have to read the fine print as fast as possible? You have to listen to it three times to get the number right, or you are left wondering which ‘Bob’ is calling you?

Next time you make a call, be prepared to get the person’s voicemail. Decide in advance what to say, the pace you will speak, the information vital to the return call (always give your phone number even if you know they already have it), and the purpose of your call…again in a voice as steady as if you were on NPR.

You don’t need to tell them the time or day, the phone will tell them that. Nor do you need to tell them the weather where you are, they don’t care. Nor do you need to imitate an airline pilot’s announcement, “This is, uhhh, your captain speaking, today we are uhhhh going to Seattle (we know that) and we uhhhh will be flying at 35,000 feet (not necessary) and uhhh given the time I won’t be making any more uhhhh announcements.” At last some good news!

Leave a good impression - clear, crisp, professional, paced, with just enough information. That way they will not only remember to return your call, but won’t be afraid to do so!

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