When others come to you for help, be mindful of the invisible 8‑ or 16‑pound bowling ball they may be handing you, asking you to carry and solve their problem.
How do you avoid it?
Use the word “you” when referring to the problem:
“What do you think you should do about this?”
“What’s your thinking on how to approach it?”
“When you leave my office today, what do you think should be your first step?”
Don’t become part of their problem at home or at work. Become part of helping them move toward their solution. You can encourage their effort (what counselors do), ask thoughtful questions (what coaches do), or help them feel heard (what supportive people do).
They have their problems. You have plenty of your own. Don’t let them walk away with one less problem by leaving it in your lap.