Let me share some snippets of my expertise with you. I hope you find them useful and if you would like to chat more, just…
“And the reason I say that is…” I was recently reminded of how powerful it is to provide an explanation for your ideas. This small yet effective practice allows others to truly hear and contemplate your ideas before rushing to a quick 'yes' or 'no' response. Give it a shot in your next meeting, conversation with a colleague, or even when chatting with your spouse, and share your experience with me!
· Phone calls: “Is this a good time for you?”
· One-on-one meetings: “I’d like to talk about what we are to accomplish here today and then invite you to tell me what you most want to have happen at the end of this meeting.”
· Meetings with specialists: “Today, think of me as your student and you as my professor. I want to learn what I need to know that you already know.” (thanks to Mehmood Khan)
· Meetings with students, residents, and observers: “What would you like to learn today?”
· Meeting someone who is mad at you: “I am so appreciative of you coming today; how can we figure this out together?”
· Meeting with your administrative assistants, department heads or nurses on the floor: “What do you know, that I don’t know, that I should know?”
· End of meetings: “I’d like to take a moment to remind myself and all of us why we met today (for patients’ safety, for nurse morale, to secure the finances so we can continue our mission, etc.) Thanks to Dr Frank Dono, (RIP) from OhioHealth
· When asked if you have a minute: “Yes, I have two but then I have to run off…want to schedule more time for later today?”
· When you want to avoid a downer discussion of how things are not going well: “What have you noticed today that is better or different?” Then respond with “How did you/we get to make that happen?” (thanks to John Walter, ACSW and Nancy Belvisi, ACSW)
· When you have reached your limit at home or at work and you know the next words coming out of your mouth will not be good: “Excuse me for a minute, I have to go to the bathroom!” Few will object or follow you (lock the door!) and you’ll have precious time to think! (thanks to Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs)
Do you have any you can add?
Unlock the power of conversation with just three magic words: "And what else?" Try it out and watch how your discussions become richer and more meaningful. Watch this video to learn more!
Sarcasm! From the Greek word literally translated: “To tear the flesh like dogs!” Our inner translation when we are sarcastic: “Funny insightful me!” The recipient’s inner experience: “Ouch!”
Sarcasm is common banter in our culture. Perhaps it is a kind of jousting while ostensibly jesting. But consider what it is like to be the target of the sarcasm. That might not be as welcomed. Equivalent to being in a courtroom: would you rather be the one asking the questions or the one in the witness box having to answer them? We can replace sarcasm with encouragement…or even kindness!
Meetings don't have to be a one-way street. Instead of simply pushing your own agenda, let's make meetings more productive by PULLING in ideas from everyone around the table! Consider what matters most to your team and colleagues.
Watch this video to learn how to turn meetings into collaborative hubs of innovation!
Traditional icebreakers are often childish in nature, involving games and toys. Instead of that consider a way to help your team leave the chaos they came from (home, the last meeting, daycare drop off, etc.) and find an easy way to help them focus.
Here's an idea! Ask the simple, yet deep, question: “On a scale of 1-10, 10 is best…how are you feeling right now for this meeting?” Go around with numbers only. This gives you and the team a way to get the pulse of the group.
Once everyone has given their numbers, ask “Does anyone want to add anything?” And then, the secret of a great facilitator is to be quiet, look expectant, and silently start counting to yourself, “one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…” If you get to eight or nine then move on. Remember your team needs time to respond to your request, time to think, time to decide to speak up.
This 1-10 can be used in many ways: “How confident are you that our budget is accurate?” or “How do you feel about the project?” etc.
Give it a try!
Are you still beginning your presentations with the classic line, 'You probably want to know a bit about me?' Stop right there! Your audience is eagerly anticipating the valuable content you're about to deliver. Dive right in, and capture their attention from the start! Watch this video to learn more...
I recently asked a friend when she is retiring. Her response: “I’m not retiring Kevin, I'm repurposing.’ And indeed, she is! It got me thinking about how we don’t have to wait to retire in order to repurpose. We can do it now!
How can we provide more to someone or some meeting or some initiative? Why do we always sit in the same place in our in-person meetings and what would happen if we didn’t? What if we followed up with an encouraging email to someone on the team who was brave today? Could we construct a new 90-day plan for ourselves that is at least a little more radically different than the previous one? And what new word do I want to give to a challenging person I lead who is too aggressive, impatient, always angry? Might they be determined? Focused? Fearful? If I did see them this way, how would I change how I understand them and deal with them?
It's an interesting idea right!? In the words of Shakespeare “What’s in a name?”
Do you have a presentation coming up? Trust your expertise! You don’t need written notes or even a slide deck! Just capture the audience’s attention and share your knowledge with them. Watch this video to learn more!
“Is it an oasis or a mirage?” is a quote from the movie, The Way Back. Set during World War II, the plot follows the incredible 4,000-mile on foot journey of a few escaped prisoners leaving Siberia, ending up in India. The quote was conflict for them since the ‘oasis’ was going west (or east!) when they needed to continue south. In the end, one brave soul simply started walking and others followed.
Firstly, how do we know? Secondly, how do we REALLY know? For some of us, we want 100% certainty before we take a step, for others 80% is plenty to make a decision with. Still for others, we are very, very happy when someone else makes the decision!
This is the point where courage, bravery as it were, comes in handy. When all eyes are fixed on one thing, what would happen if you moved your eyes to another and openly wondered? “I wonder if….” or “Could it be….” or “What would happen if…”
The conflicts and arguments are often about one thing with eyes fixed to see what they want to see. The leader in you - indeed, the brave in you - can muster a discussion, a conversation, instead of a heated argument with lasting mini resentments. After all we are not in the desert, just thirsty to be heard! What are your thoughts?
How would you describe your work as a picture? This is an interesting way to explain what you do with really simple language, removing all of the jargon! Watch this video to learn more and let me know what your picture would be in the comments!
Ever met an ‘opinionated person’? We all have opinions and pretty good ones at that! The question is not whether we are right but rather are we being useful.
Rudolph Dreikurs, the famous Chicago psychiatrist, advocated having the ‘courage to be imperfect’ as an antidote to our superiority of personal opinion among other things.
If you can’t help but give your opinion, start with a brief summary that encompasses the issue using the words of others, especially the words of those 180 degrees different than you.
“It seems to me that Dr. Shaw feels the anesthesia group is being systematically excluded from the decisions of the board…and I wonder if this inclusion could begin to be accomplished with an outside facilitator rather than at this meeting right now.” This might be a better response than, “I disagree that we have to do this at this meeting.”
Anytime you begin with “I disagree..." "Are you serious..." "Are you kidding me..." be very, very careful. Each of those statements activates the amygdala and you will be in for a fight, a flight, or a freeze…not a “We can figure this out together.”
Let's talk about my new favorite term: "Light touch". It's really helpful in many situations. Watch this video to learn more...
Last week a member of a meeting mentioned the following about a physician that was not present, “He’s a really good surgeon, but…” Immediately a nurse spoke up with, “If you have to put a ‘but’ after his name…he’s not that good!” Awkward silence began!
Do you know some terrific people who have those three silent letters, ‘but’… after their name? True or not, deserved or not, even perfectly descriptive or not, that ‘but’ after their name not only hurts them, it hurts you: how you interact with them, speak about them, and judge them. Our presence is fully dependent on how we enhance the other’s presence.
If instead we add three letters, ‘AND’, after their name then the fullness of the life of the person, despite their flaws, enriches us with full presence.
Listen to how the word ‘but’ is used with people and ideas at meetings and how disconnective it can be. Do you have any examples you can share?
Audiences can either READ or LISTEN…not both at the same time. Think about this when designing your presentation slides. Watch this video to learn more…
Nido Qubein, President of High Point University, taught me the value of distinction. He made us think: do we want to be successful or significant? Creative or innovative? Focus on a ‘to do’ list or a ‘to be’ list?
I studied with him for over a decade (and about a decade ago!) and I still remember this pairing of words and concepts to help clarify intention, goals, and a deeper understanding of the human spirit. For example, ask yourself “Is this person angry or fearful?” or “Is this person hopeless or discouraged?” The wisdom I learned from him was not about binary thinking but about seeing the other side.
By being the 'word crafter' at your meetings you can help to both broaden and focus the discussion. Can you think of a time when this might have been useful for you?
Pay attention to the ‘outlier’ evaluations from your presentations. They come up with some of the most interesting ideas! Watch this video to learn more…
I notice that physicians are known and introduced by their name and their specialty and…that’s it! It is as if they are a “noun” defined by a name and a thing…their specialty.
Of course, depending on the specialty this can come with a raft of judgments. Surgeon? We all know what they are like, right! Hospice? They are so nice!
But what if we help this definition-by-noun/title with a metaphorical verb/adverb after their name and specialty. “Dr. Hicks is our neurosurgeon and also a Boston marathoner and she is certainly that too, in the OR and at the bedside…she never gives up." Doesn’t this round out her identity better!
It doesn't just apply to physicians. Think about the last time you made an introduction. How did it go? How could you have improved?
Enhance their presence and you will enhance yours as well!
“The only way to teach responsibility is to give it.” Remember this next time you are presenting. Don’t give your audience all the answers, let them do some of their own work. Watch this video to learn more and let me know what you think…
Give your audience REAL content. Something tangible that they can take away and put into action. Watch this video to learn more….
