The Art of Engagement - Avoid Icebreakers, Thaw instead!

Traditional icebreakers are often childish in nature, involving games and toys. Instead of that consider a way to help your team leave the chaos they came from (home, the last meeting, daycare drop off, etc.) and find an easy way to help them focus. One way is the simple yet also deep question, “On a scale of 1-10, 10 is best…how are you feeling right now for this meeting?” Go around with numbers only. This gives you and the team a way to get the pulse of the group. Once everyone has given their numbers, ask “Does anyone want to add anything?” And then, the secret of a great facilitator is to be quiet, look expectant, and silently start counting to yourself, “one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…” If you get to eight or nine then move on. Remember your team needs time to respond to your request, time to think, time to decide to speak up. This 1-10 can be used in many ways: “How confident are you that our budget is accurate?” or “How do you feel about the project?” etc. Physicians are taught to take their own blood pressure before taking that of the patient, meaning to walk in the room aware, renewed, open. Facilitative leaders need to do the same.

TIP 7 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

Some common wisdom floating around for the past several years has been the importance of everyone having an “elevator speech” ready for use. Roughly translated, an elevator speech is something you can say about yourself to another person in the space of a ten to twenty floor ride upstairs. Somehow this is supposed to help identify you, your core values, your mission, and your ability to somehow be of value to the other person. To me it comes across as akin to projectile vomiting…and with the same result!

Another common wisdom is the concept of the “value proposition.” This value proposition is defined as “what have you done, or will do, for me lately?” In this proposition we are supposed to again define our value for the customer, client, patient, or our target audience.  Meeting after meeting, numerous conversations are filled with this now common phrase. Somehow, someway, we should be able to define value for the other.

Both of these concepts seem to me to be misguided attempts to do what the client, customer, patient, or target is supposed to do, not what we are to do. When we recognize that it is the other who defines the value, who are the value interpreters, then we clearly see that we are not the value definers.

So, the elevator may be an opportunity to engage, to ask, to be interested…not to ‘project.’

Collaboration, cooperation, and conversation are born out of our interest in the other, not in our self-interested self. It is one thing to be confronted with a billboard or an elevator video advertising on and on about fast food; quite another to be stuck with someone doing the same thing about themselves.

Consider what is at stake. In the matter of a few moments, most of us know whether we want to continue to be in a relationship with a stranger, a friend, or foe. Walk into any meeting and you pretty much know who you are going to sit next to and why. We even continually sit in exactly the same chair for each and every meeting. We do this so we won’t have to move out of our comfort zone, have to engage in talk with someone we may not like, or give up our zone of control. In short, we interpret the value of the other, even of the environment in which we are based, on a few short moments of stimuli.

Wouldn’t you want your customer, your patient, or your boss to be able to make the best possible interpretation about your value as soon as possible?

TIP 6 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

Have you noticed lately that not everyone responds to your emails? Or to your voice mails? Sometimes not even to your visits?! Yet we feel we need the response, the involvement, and the approval of these very people. 

In short, we want to influence them, but they seem impervious to our attentions.

Real influence is not about persuading them to like us. Nor is it about schmoozing or selling. Nor is it about charisma. Instead, we want to be like a GPS for their destination: a reassuring voice that plots not only the final goal but someone who also offers turn-by-turn advice that keeps them on track.

Real influence is therefore about power, and our own attitude about power is essential for our influence to be felt in order to be effective. Sometimes we conceive power to be all about strength, status, and survival of the fittest. In fact, it is not about that at all. Many of our strongest leaders embody what influence and power are really about: access.

Whether we are of high or low status, each one of us decides to pay attention to the other person based on our memory of them, their relevance to us, or their ability to help us move our agenda forward. When you show up in someone else’s mental contact list, your influence comes from the relationship you have developed with them, and in fact, the memories you created in their mind.

A veteran newspaperman in Chicago, who dropped out of school at age 16, shared that his role as a reporter gave him access to the strong and famous, few of whom knew of his lack of academic preparation. Those who did know didn’t really care. They returned his call because of his position, his way, his influence: what he could do for them.

The same is true of us and of our influence. When the other person perceives that we have them in mind, their memory is triggered, and our call is more likely to be returned.

In order to have friends, we must be a good friend. Not just for business but for friendship. One of my colleagues writes handwritten thank you notes, another physician colleague writes letters of encouragement to all staff every St. Valentine’s Day, noting three distinct things that impressed her over the past year, another physician leader does the same but writes it to the employee’s children and spouse and mails it to their home!

Influence is facilitated with the power of the individual, for the individual.

TIP 5 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

We help others the most when our focus is on them, and ironically when we focus clearly on others, this is when we get what we want from our interaction with them. We cannot focus on them in order for us to ‘get’; we only ‘get’ when our focus is on them for them to ‘get’. This is an important distinction—and a distinction that is oh so rarely experienced.

It is easy and natural to only be concerned about ourselves. It is therefore a remarkable event for an audience when our focus is on them exclusively. Can you remember the last time this happened to you at work? Or at home? Or anywhere? Facebook seems very focused on opinions as facts, self (and selfies!) instead of others, and too few questions, inquiries, and curiosities.

In person (and maybe on your Facebook posts) you can focus closely with attentiveness, paraphrasing, questions, and with curious interest. So, the next time you are called upon to facilitate a meeting prepare by thinking not of what you will do or say but on what needs to be talked about among the group. Then help them get there with simple questions, increasing curiosity, small group interaction, full participation, and time.

TIP 4 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

We value others who can help us. We do not instinctively value those who are smarter, better, especially those who say that they are! We value what we value, not who or what they want us to value. As Nido Qubein from High Point University advises: we the audience members, not the presenter, are the value interpreters.

This may seem like common sense but consider how some experts treat you, your teams or their audiences. Some consider themselves as full vessels, filling up the empty vessels…us!
This mindset of how we approach others signifies how we regard and value them. This has impact immediately. Have you ever felt talked down to by someone? How quickly did you recognize this was happening? This is called vertical communication with the superior one on the top and the inferior one on the bottom. This was a traditional teaching technique for physicians in residency where they would be grilled by the senior doctor, often then leaving them feeling less than adequate, humiliated, or worse!

But the successful facilitator speaks on a horizontal plane. If I can get the other to articulate what they think, feel and know, then I as the facilitator will be in a better position to teach, discuss, and encourage with mutual respect. To do this however, means to give up the natural urge to be on top. Instead, it means you are willing to listen, to really hear, and perhaps to learn yourself. Fearless facilitators who work on the horizontal plane learn something new every day, even about the area in which they are the expert!

For example, those resisting the Covid vaccines need to be first listened to, not preached at. Like our children, our spouses, our colleagues we all act in a logical way - a privately logical way as Alfred Adler taught. It may not make sense to everyone else, but it makes sense to me. Given the time and the respect, being listened to can provide an opportunity to consider change.

In our corporate meetings the same is true. Facilitate what is privately logical, listen, allow for input, allow for diversity of thinking. This is the gift of facilitation. No motivational speech is really motivational unless it allows me to change my own mind.

TIP 3 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

Next time you are invited to speak, especially to those in power, take the advice of @Todd Williamson, Vice President, Data Generation & Observational Studies, Bayer HealthCare - ”Don’t!” He cautions this especially with the executive level audience.

Presenting to them requires them to make a decision, a decision you may not have intended or even want. “You were hired to lead, so lead” he says with years of wisdom behind the words.  It reminded me of “It’s better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” Consider taking the load off those above by executing it with your team. What’s the worst that could happen?! Todd says, “Lead. That’s what you were hired for.”

But what if you accept the invitation? Rather than tell them only what you think, help them understand what they think. Bring new ideas, and even more importantly, new approaches to the new ideas by helping them discover what is within. This is the gift and the skill of the facilitator whether in house or an outside professional. They know that the secret sauce lies before them within the group itself. While individual leaders may make a decision independently; the best ones come from the group effort of coming together.

TIP 2 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

I really do wonder if the audience needs or wants another traditional motivational speech, either from a professional or from their boss. My experience with my primary audience (physician leaders and healthcare executives) is that they are looking for the wisdom within the audience, within themselves. I get hired to help draw this out, to provide opportunities for audience members to interact in a substantial way, and to create a safe environment for them to do so. When we facilitate well, it can appear easy. Perhaps like watching a professional golfer take a swing. Is it really that different from my swing? Only in the outcome! What the great facilitators, colleagues and bosses do is use a set of skills allowing them to listen with a third ear, see with a fourth eye, and speak less than everyone else. They know they are not only the beauty of the swing of the club. They produce the outcome. The outcome that comes from within the others.

Tip 1 for being a Fearless Facilitator

A few years ago, on a plane a seatmate asked what I did for a living. I said, “I’m a professional speaker.” He said, “Motivational?” My response even surprised me!... “I hope so!” We both had a good laugh! This series is devoted to a change I’m noticing in audiences - they may not be looking for what you think they are looking for. So here’s my tips for fearless facilitation.

Let’s start off with the definition of a facilitator: one who helps to bring about an outcome (including learning, productivity, or communication) by providing indirect or unobtrusive assistance, guidance, or supervision.

Think about the last time a presenter really helped open up a discussion and then made it easy for everyone to participate. For some presenters, it is much easier and seemingly safer to just keep talking. When have you felt safe in a meeting to say what you wanted to say and perhaps more importantly what needed to be said?

Presenters, participants, and leaders who engage in these situations are courageous because they give up the traditional control of an audience, or of a team, or even of a conversational partner, and allow the other to talk, question, and even disagree.

While this may not seem like a big deal, consider the last time you knew that what you were saying was about to be challenged, disagreed with, or even met with a sarcastic or caustic remark. How did you feel? More to the point, how did you proceed?

Those who facilitate a conversation take the courageous route, a fearless route, not without risk of course. Opening yourself to a contribution especially in a presentation can appear risky since you really don’t know what the other will say. Focusing closely on the other person whilst putting your own ideas on the back burner can require great focus and great patience. Even when we allow others to talk in small groups, do we really always have to know what they said? Or if they were on task? Or what they said about us? It is only important that they know.

If you want to assert your leadership with your team, or to be seen as a leader when you present, then facilitate your presentation to make conversation easy and useful. Help others think through solutions that need to happen rather than simply restating the problems that they already know exist. This is true whether you are presenting to one hundred or just to one.

It can be as simple as asking your team for input. Instead of asking a question of a large group where some will talk too much and others won’t speak at all, why not ask the large group to move quickly into smaller groups of two or three and discuss the question for three to five minutes. Then, you can initiate a large group discussion. You will be guaranteed a better discussion, a more robust list of ideas, and involvement even from your most introverted team member.

Thank you for reading this. What do you think?

How to Present Like a Pro - Presenting to a blind person

When presenting to an audience where some of the members are blind, use audio description techniques. In this situation it is useful to begin with a brief visual description of you… “I’m Kevin, your presenter today. I’m sitting with a green plant behind my right shoulder and behind my left shoulder is a picture of sailboats as well as the artwork of my 6-year-old grandson. I have grey hair that my stylist calls ‘platinum’…which is why I keep going back to him!”  This sets the scene for them. For each PowerPoint slide, I begin by describing that also, “This slide is divided into four squares, in the first square…” One way to understand the impact is to find a movie with “audio description” where a narrator fills in the action with words in between the dialog. This will help you get ideas that you can then use. For virtual presentations, most blind audience members are able to use the chat function easily with their adaptive software.

How to Present Like a Pro - The ATEM-mini

Keep your PowerPoint to a minimum, if at all. Do you really need it? Is it essential? Does it have to be that fancy? Would a word do instead? Or an image? When we present live, we have the PowerPoint as an added resource to the audience also seeing us in full view. On Zoom and other platforms, we are often reduced to a postage stamp image unless the audience knows how to make us bigger. I learned from Brian Walter to use an ATEM-mini which is a device that allows me to move seamlessly back and forth between my video and my slides. I don’t have to share the screen, I am never a postage stamp image, and it allows me to pick and choose my slides, which is helpful when I realize in the moment that they are out of order!

How to Present Like a Pro - Chat Box Waterfall

Initial interaction is easy if you make it so. If you are in person, it is easy to meet and greet ahead of your presentation. On Zoom you have faces just staring at you, not to mention babies, dogs, cats…or sometimes only the ceiling fan.

A “Chat Box Waterfall” is a great way to get everyone on record, to get them contributing. I learned it from Caelan Huntress and it works every time. Ask a simple question then say the following: “I’d like you to go to the chat box and I’ll give you 60 seconds to type your answer to this question but don’t hit enter until I tell you to…” There is always one who hits enter straight away (of course!) but when at the 60 second mark you say “Hit enter!” you will see a ‘waterfall’ of contributions come in. Then all you have to do is say, “Let’s take a moment and review these” and then as the host you find someone’s entry and ask “Bob, can you tell us about yours? Then when you are finished call on the next person” After a few of these you can say, “Jane tell us about yours and then send it back to me.” This is a guaranteed involvement technique that will forever end the agonizing silence accompanying, “Anyone have any ideas?”

How to Present Like a Pro - When it's all over

How do you handle comments after your presentation? When people come up and thank you, consider saying: “I appreciate you saying that. What did you like/notice/appreciate the most?” That will quickly get to the essentials of what they are taking away, which commonly is less about what you said and more about what they got. This is terrific feedback for us!

Also, whenever you finish any presentation, however short, ask yourself: “What did I do well and what is one thing I might consider doing a bit differently next time?” We can only build on our strengths so don’t be the hardest judge of all.

How to Present Like a Pro - 3 key questions

The audience has a key question on their mind: “Can you help me solve my problem?” Followed closely by “Can you improve my condition?” And of course, the ever-popular silent audience question, “So what?” These are rarely spoken out loud, but they are front and center within the minds of those staring at you. Make sure your presentation clearly answers these questions and you’re on to a winner!

How to Present Like a Pro - The rugby move

In rugby the ball is tossed backwards as the player moves forward. Keep this in mind and get your audience interacting with each other not just with you. In an earlier post I mentioned the ‘@Lester Holt technique’ where his correspondents send the story back to him by using his name with a question mark after it. That is a rugby move. Another might be you, as the presenter, saying: “Jack give us your thoughts then you can send it to Amy and she will send it to Sharita.” Before Sharita begins, you say: “After Sharita we’ll go to Sam, Agim, and finally to Lilibet.” This allows some preparation for a quieter, more reserved audience. Pulling names out of hat works too!

How to Present Like a Pro - Script the smiles

Always have someone else introduce you with the script you have written for them. On Zoom make it short and sweet…in person a little longer is OK. Audiences do not need to know the companies you have worked for, how much other audiences loved you, or how much this audience will love you. Yikes! Have the script say who you are, a bit about your qualifications, and then something personal that adds a bit of fun. Mine says that “Kevin’s lifelong goal is to ride horses bareback though he has not yet found a horse with the same goal.” You ought to see the smiles and hear the questions I get on that one! We want a smiling audience when we begin, not a bored one.

How to Present Like a Pro - Elegant Simplicity

Keep it simple! Even, actually ESPECIALLY, when the material is exceedingly complex. Never ‘dumb things down’ but always go for ‘elegant simplicity.’ The goal here is to get to the heart of the matter and to create a memory of its essential elements. Often using complicated or unreadable spreadsheets and wiz-bang graphics can hide our essential message.

Dale Carnegie advises “Tell them what you are going to tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you told them.” Every speech, update, homily, sermon, even wedding toast or eulogy would do well to use this formula.

Making it look complicated does not make you look smart. Your one and only job is to help the audience leave with the essentials of the topic, not to be impressed by you. Work for clarity. If newspapers are written for the average person, so too can any of our technical or scientific presentations, especially if to a tech audience. Don’t mimic your professors, go beyond them. Think of the famous quotations you are reminded of from Dr. Mardy Grothe or Bartlett’s…they are wisdom packed into few words that the many can understand.

How to Present Like a Pro - The camera, the camera, the camera!

Every time you present or respond (or simply want to look alive!) on Zoom, look at the camera rather than the image of the person, especially if you are using two monitors. This is crucial to connection. Imagine if the news people on television looked away from the camera to give their report! This is a very, very difficult skill but a vital one. We are naturally drawn to images, to people, to the face. On Zoom, unlike in person, we are not speaking to an audience or a group, we are speaking to only one person…the one looking at us. As an audience member respond by doing the same and watch your connection…connect!

How to Present Like a Pro - The ‘Lester Holt technique’

I have to thank Lester Holt from NBC evening news for this one. Lester’s gang uses it regularly and every time, I am reminded how useful it can be for us. Whenever Miguel Almaguer, Hallie Jackson, Andrea Mitchell, Richard Engel (who is usually far, far away!) and all the others finish their report, it always ends with “Lester?” He then has his cue and picks it up from there. You can do this with your Zoom presentations, asking the audience to do the same…simply choose another attendee’s name and add a question mark to keep the discussion rolling.

I watched a video recently of ten or so professionals having a discussion where rather than using hand offs, they used resounding periods. Almost every time someone finished speaking, there was an awkward moment of silence as they wondered who would speak next.

You can use this same tactic when you are presenting with a partner. I work twice yearly with professional speaker Conor Cuneen, IrishmanSpeaks in a back-and-forth format of lecturettes. Conor is known far and wide as a well-rehearsed presenter…except when he works with me! We both like to present ‘in the moment’, especially for this audience, so use the ‘Lester Holt technique’ and hear our dear names called out with a question mark at the end, keeping the flow going. It works every single time even when I have no idea what Conor was going to say…and maybe he didn’t either!

How to Present Like a Pro - 7 things not to say or do

Here are some things that you should never ever (ever!) say or do in your presentation because they will be hated or ignored by most audiences:

1)      “You probably want to know a little about ME!” (No, they don’t.)

2)      “Before I begin you have to understand that…”(Just begin already!)

3)      “How are you all doing?” (Thought to be an involver, often experienced as an embarrassment by both sides.)

4)      “Can you hear me OK?” while tapping the microphone. (Audio checks should happen with the sound professional, not the audience.)

5)      “Today we are going to….” followed by a list of objectives usually on PowerPoint that everyone can read faster than you can speak. (Next time just get right to #1 without identifying it as such and conclude with “We just finished our first objective for the day.”)

6)      “I can’t hear you!” as a way to have the audience repeat the speaker’s key phrase. (Do you want everyone to feel like they are back in second grade!?)

7)      “Shhhhhhhh…” attempting to get control back from an audience group exercise. (Try this next time: “If you can hear me, please raise your hand.” As they do others will notice. This usually only needs to be said twice and then a sincere thank you allows you to continue.)

How to Present Like a Pro - Early and Often

Welcome to a series of tips dedicated to helping you to Present Like A Pro. Although we are told by our psychologist and pastoral friends never to ‘judge’ someone, we can’t help but judge people’s presentation skills. We critique the movies and television shows, why not our colleagues?! I am sharing this series of advice to make you just that little bit better in the eyes and ears of those you seek to influence. Regardless of your rank or expertise you can Present Like A Pro every time.

Engage and involve the audience early and often, especially on Zoom. Conor Cuneen, IrishmanSpeaks also asks the audience a question as attendees are entering the Zoom room, before he has even been introduced. One of his favorite questions to ask: “What was the first live concert you went to and how was it?” Simple enough but wait till you see the energy, excitement and connection that happens as you respond to the audience’s answers with questions such as, “Jack, were there a lot of drugs at that concert?” or “Mary, so your father went with you?” This is a better icebreaker than any staged one.

Next time, vary the question: “What was the first wedding you attended, and what do you remember?” or “What’s your favorite city and which one do you hope to go to some day?” or “Which movie would you gladly watch over and over again and why?”

Just like Conor, jump in and talk to your audience even before you are introduced, and prime them for a good time! Just make very sure you are not focusing on only one of your buddies. Nobody likes to hear ‘in jokes’…it reminds them of high school!