The exit sign

Yesterday, a priest friend shared with me a heartwarming anecdote from his recent experience. After guiding a group of fourth graders through a tour of a grand, historic cathedral, he asked them to reflect on what they found most memorable from the 45-minute journey.

To his surprise, one young boy singled out the "EXIT" sign as his standout memory. Initially thinking the boy was being cheeky, the priest curiously inquired, "And why the EXIT sign?" The boy's response was unexpectedly profound. He said, "It seems to me that we're only in this place for a short while, but the truly significant part is what we do when we 'exit'." His insightful comment beautifully captured the essence of life's transient nature and the lasting impact of our actions.

This Thanksgiving I am most thankful for those of you who have made an impact on me, as well as those who have actually exited from your place of worship, your home, or your LinkedIn Feed, in order to be present to me and mine.

Happy happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Three impactful questions

As coaches, mentors, or leaders, one of our key roles is to unlock the potential in others. The right questions can be powerful tools in this process. Here are three impactful questions that can help get to the core of what someone truly needs from us:

1️⃣ "What’s THE real challenge for you now?"
This question cuts through the noise and helps focus on the immediate, primary issue at hand.

2️⃣ "And what else?"
This prompts deeper reflection, encouraging a broader exploration of challenges and perspectives.

3️⃣ "What do you want?"
A simple yet profound question that drives clarity of purpose and goals.

By asking these questions, we can more accurately pinpoint the heart of the matter, facilitating more effective and meaningful support.

Try incorporating these into your next coaching or mentoring session and see how they transform the conversation.

Capturing the magic

Ever thought of capturing the magic of your team's ideas during meetings? Start jotting down those brilliant quotes and affirmations your team members share.

Imagine the impact of sending out a quick recap within an hour of the meeting, highlighting these golden moments. It's a small gesture that makes each person feel seen and valued - after all, hearing our names spoken and seeing them in print is always special.

Yes, crafting this memo takes a bit of time, but the investment in recognizing and celebrating your team's contributions is invaluable. It's not just a recap; it's a morale booster and a testament to your leadership. Give it a try and watch the positive vibes grow!

The Power of Words!

Be mindful of the words people choose and how they use them. Each word carries weight and meaning—crafted by the user. This week, make a point of really listening to someone’s chosen words. And for yourself, speak thoughtfully, write with intention, and observe the impact your words have.

The courage to be imperfect

Go to a traditional Montessori classroom and you will see a beehive of activity. You’ll actually need to look closely to find the teacher. They are great at fading into the walls, observing, briefly intervening, and then moving with grace and gentleness around the busy, busy classroom.

Could you attend a meeting with quiet attention? Can you let your team struggle with mistakes? Let the beehive happen and see then what happens to engagement, involvement, and the beauty of what Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs called “the courage to be imperfect.”

All of the great innovators were OK with early problems, errors, and even failures. Let your team experience the same as what the geniuses have.

The importance of words

Respecting someone by remembering their name isn't just courteous—it's a gateway to a meaningful connection. When you call someone by their name, it's not just a word; it's an honor, a recognition that they matter.

Watch this video to learn more, and drop your best name-remembering techniques below 👇 Let's transform every introduction into a lasting impression.

Don't take the lead for once!

As the leader of the group, the expert, the one with the experience it is quite tempting to weigh in early and often. It saves time, gets right to the point, and solves the problem.

Or does it? What if you weighed in last, used some words the others had used, responded to someone who needed some affirmation with a “Tell me more…” and even asked some “I wonder…” questions?

Of course, it is easy to judge who did their homework, who is the shining rising star, who is the pleaser, who shirks the spotlight; but what if instead of judging (in your mind or out loud) you simply say, “Isn’t that interesting!”

“And the reason I say that is…”

“And the reason I say that is…” I was recently reminded of how powerful it is to provide an explanation for your ideas. This small yet effective practice allows others to truly hear and contemplate your ideas before rushing to a quick 'yes' or 'no' response. Give it a shot in your next meeting, conversation with a colleague, or even when chatting with your spouse, and share your experience with me!

Develop a Flexible Reliable Routine!

·        Phone calls: “Is this a good time for you?”

·        One-on-one meetings: “I’d like to talk about what we are to accomplish here today and then invite you to tell me what you most want to have happen at the end of this meeting.”

·        Meetings with specialists: “Today, think of me as your student and you as my professor. I want to learn what I need to know that you already know.” (thanks to Mehmood Khan)

·        Meetings with students, residents, and observers: “What would you like to learn today?”

·        Meeting someone who is mad at you: “I am so appreciative of you coming today; how can we figure this out together?”

·        Meeting with your administrative assistants, department heads or nurses on the floor: “What do you know, that I don’t know, that I should know?”

·        End of meetings: “I’d like to take a moment to remind myself and all of us why we met today (for patients’ safety, for nurse morale, to secure the finances so we can continue our mission, etc.) Thanks to Dr Frank Dono, (RIP) from OhioHealth

·        When asked if you have a minute: “Yes, I have two but then I have to run off…want to schedule more time for later today?”

·        When you want to avoid a downer discussion of how things are not going well: “What have you noticed today that is better or different?” Then respond with “How did you/we get to make that happen?” (thanks to John Walter, ACSW and Nancy Belvisi, ACSW)

·        When you have reached your limit at home or at work and you know the next words coming out of your mouth will not be good: “Excuse me for a minute, I have to go to the bathroom!” Few will object or follow you (lock the door!) and you’ll have precious time to think! (thanks to Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs)

Do you have any you can add?

Make your discussions richer and more meaningful

Unlock the power of conversation with just three magic words: "And what else?" Try it out and watch how your discussions become richer and more meaningful. Watch this video to learn more!

Sarcasm

Sarcasm! From the Greek word literally translated: “To tear the flesh like dogs!” Our inner translation when we are sarcastic: “Funny insightful me!” The recipient’s inner experience: “Ouch!”

Sarcasm is common banter in our culture. Perhaps it is a kind of jousting while ostensibly jesting. But consider what it is like to be the target of the sarcasm. That might not be as welcomed. Equivalent to being in a courtroom: would you rather be the one asking the questions or the one in the witness box having to answer them? We can replace sarcasm with encouragement…or even kindness!

What’s in a name?

I recently asked a friend when she is retiring. Her response: “I’m not retiring Kevin, I'm repurposing.’ And indeed, she is! It got me thinking about how we don’t have to wait to retire in order to repurpose. We can do it now!

How can we provide more to someone or some meeting or some initiative? Why do we always sit in the same place in our in-person meetings and what would happen if we didn’t? What if we followed up with an encouraging email to someone on the team who was brave today? Could we construct a new 90-day plan for ourselves that is at least a little more radically different than the previous one? And what new word do I want to give to a challenging person I lead who is too aggressive, impatient, always angry? Might they be determined? Focused? Fearful? If I did see them this way, how would I change how I understand them and deal with them?

It's an interesting idea right!? In the words of Shakespeare “What’s in a name?”

A "Light touch"

Let's talk about my new favorite term: "Light touch". It's really helpful in many situations. Watch this video to learn more...

Pairing of words

Nido Qubein, President of High Point University, taught me the value of distinction. He made us think: do we want to be successful or significant? Creative or innovative? Focus on a ‘to do’ list or a ‘to be’ list?

I studied with him for over a decade (and about a decade ago!) and I still remember this pairing of words and concepts to help clarify intention, goals, and a deeper understanding of the human spirit. For example, ask yourself “Is this person angry or fearful?” or “Is this person hopeless or discouraged?” The wisdom I learned from him was not about binary thinking but about seeing the other side.

By being the 'word crafter' at your meetings you can help to both broaden and focus the discussion. Can you think of a time when this might have been useful for you?

What do you do well?

What do you do well? What are you really, really good at? Go beyond your resume or curriculum vitae. Even go beyond your surgical skills, or your ability with finance or law. Ask yourself the question “What would they say at my funeral?”
 
One of my grammar school classmates just died and he did such a remarkable thing: he wrote his own obituary! “If you are reading this then what I said a lot ‘With birth, comes death, everything in between is the adventure’ must apply to me at this moment. An obituary is usually dry and stuffy, but my adventure in life was very much the opposite of the norm. I would like to share some things with you…” He went on to detail quite a life of service and adventure and gratefulness. It ended with “I did it my way, as always.” He told us what he did and what he did well…and who he was. Reading the many entries to the ‘tribute wall’ posted by the funeral home was just as remarkable, with detailed thoughts, experiences and emotions that this man engendered in others. A significant life for sure.
 
Reflect on this and think about your significance instead of only your material success.

How we've spent our 'miles'

It’s not necessary about how many ‘miles’ we have done, but how we have spent those miles.

Three daily prompts you need to better yourself

The voice within is YOUR voice. This is the voice that likely talks to you all day long, “Should I or shouldn’t I? This way or that way? Respond or stay quiet? What if…? And then what…?” My goodness what we say to ourselves!
 
Consider how much of what we say is a warning, a discouragement, a critique, or a demanding parent to an innocent you. When we teach advanced executive professional speaking, the request each and every time from the class is: “What did this person do well? What is just one thing they could have done better? What is the special expertise that you noticed?” That’s all you need to get better and better with each presentation and come to think of it, with each interaction. No need for an inner judgment, no need for an inner critique, no need for perfection; simply a way to reorient yourself for the next right step.
 
You may have had a difficult conversation, a difficult meeting, a difficult day…but you can use these three little prompts to guarantee the next right step: “What did I do well? What is just one thing I could have done better? And what is the special expertise within me that I noticed?”

Informing our forward steps

Have you heard of the saying ‘3 steps forward, 2 steps back’? Maybe it sometimes feels like 3 steps forward, 3 steps back? It’s important that we understand the steps back to help inform the next steps forward. Or maybe we need smaller steps? Or maybe we need a break altogether. Learn more in this video!

Benefit from format

How can we benefit from a FORMAT in meetings and presentations? It worked for the old Western shows (does anybody else LOVE them?), and it can work for you too! Watch this video to learn more...

Emotions

Let's talk about EMOTIONS. Paul R. Rasmussen, Ph.D., an Adlerian Psychologist, talks about validating and compelling emotions rather than positive and negative emotions. This is really helpful to apply day-to-day to help us find the JOY again in what we do. Watch this video to learn more.