Using Your Native Language

For this week's Wednesday Rewind, I talk about "Using Your Native Language" to connect with others. What strategies do you use to connect with colleagues, neighbors, friends or when meeting new people?

Teaching at Institute of Pastoral Studies - Loyola University Chicago gives me a worldwide view of life with students from Korea, Poland, China, Spain, South America, India, Pakistan, and even from Atlanta, Georgia! As I teach, I’ve learned to use their native language to teach me more about our English vocabulary. I recently asked the students to put the word “hunch” on the board in their native language and then to define it. None defined it as “hunch” instead painting a video for us of that word in action. I asked a student from Thailand to write “empathy” on the board in Thai…it was a very long word! When asked to define it, she thought for a moment and said, “Sitting on my grandmother’s lap after dinner before the fireplace.” Perfect! With your international colleagues or neighbors try using their language early and often to enhance your English understanding. The powerful world of words, images, metaphors, and inclusion awaits.

The Art of an Introduction

How do you think of others?  How do you introduce them? I notice that physicians are known and introduced by their name and their specialty and…that’s it! It is as if they are a “noun” defined by a name and a thing…their specialty. Of course, depending on the specialty this can come with a raft of judgments! Surgeon? We all know what they are like, right? Hospice? They are so nice! But what if we help this definition-by-noun/title with a metaphorical verb/adverb after their name and specialty. “Dr. Hicks is our neurosurgeon and also a Boston marathoner and she is certainly that too in the OR and at the bedside…she never gives up.  Dr. Ana McKee at The Joint Commission holds three C-Suite titles and was once introduced by those titles (her nouns) with the following, “And she has met seven Supreme Court Justices (her husband is a Federal Judge) and you’d never know it unless you ask by the way she treats everyone not as better or worse but as who we are together.” Doesn’t this round out her identity to you a bit better than only her influential status at The Joint Commission? Who do you know at your place…and how do you both think about them and introduce them? Enhance their presence and you will enhance yours as well.

First Step Might Be the Hardest

This week's Wednesday Rewind felt fitting after that nail-biting Game 7 over the weekend. Ever found yourself unsure how to jump into a meeting or discussion? What strategies help you navigate those moments?

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Meetings and discussions are prime opportunities to make ourselves heard, but often hesitancy, embarrassment, and simple ignorance prevent us from saying anything. 

I was recently with a group of men who were discussing a baseball game – their vast knowledge of the game was met with equal amounts of enthusiasm! My ‘sports chat’ however is limited to when I watch the Olympics every four years, and the odd demolition derby or two during the summer. I am quite literally clueless with nothing to contribute. Nothing! So, I sat in silence occasionally nodding my head to show some semblance of, well, anything. Everyone could have been speaking Romanian for all I knew! 

Being an extrovert, one can only do this for so long before breaking so I took a different approach. “You mentioned ______, the first baseman. In your opinion what makes him so special?” At that moment I was desperately hoping the guy was the first baseman! All of a sudden, an entirely new conversation began with me there too. The ‘guys’ all had an opinion… all I had to do was ask a few more questions out of real curiosity (and complete ignorance!) to be able to join in. 

My inner expertise is curiosity, not baseball. This same skill allows me to communicate with executives, the homeless, snobs, us commoners, even with those I don’t like a whole lot!  Phew, this time I made it out of a sports discussion with my self-esteem intact…and I even found out what a first baseman is supposed to do!

Is There a Book in You?

I hear all the time about those of us who want to write a book. One of my pharma friends writes two hours per night for pleasure. My sister published 70 books and often told me she wrote daily, “Even if I have nothing to write about.” After 70 books apparently, she had a lot to say! How about you? Happy to speak with you about it, let’s connect. No charge at all for talking about that book that just might be in you!

What's Triggering You is On You

I was recently at a psychology conference when I heard someone say:

“What’s triggering you is on you.”

That line stuck. If something lingers, it’s worth asking:

• What’s this emotion trying to show me?

• How do I want to respond, not just react?

In this short video, I unpack how that moment helped me reflect on ownership, self-awareness, and the power of emotional choice.

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Actually solve problems

Here's an idea for meetings that actually solve problems—not just talk about them!

Instead of having attendees bring reports to a meeting, ask them to bring a problem they need help with. To save time, have them write it up in under 200 words and publish it at the meeting.

Set a rule: No repeating the problem—everyone has already seen it. Instead, focus on answering questions and offering suggestions. Crucially, these should be given without debate or defensive responses—only for consideration. This keeps discussions productive and prevents them from turning into back-and-forth arguments.

End each problem-solving session with a simple, forward-thinking question:
"Is there anything here that intrigues you and might get things more on the right track?"

Small shifts in meeting structure can lead to big breakthroughs in decision-making and problem-solving!

Giving others responsibility

Recently I was reminded of the importance of giving others responsibility. Watch this video to learn more and let me know what you think!

Take that Small Risk!

What would it be for you? About how:

·        A meeting with only chairs in a circle.

·        An electronics free meeting…no computers, no cell phones, no slides.

·        Sitting with each patient you visit instead of standing.

·        Asking the question, “What do you know, that I don’t know, that I should know?” A great, great question for every executive or parent to ask!

·        Inviting your “Dr. Evil” to coffee just to chat. (Every organization has one. Maybe this person is isolated, lonely, and in need of you!)

·        Treat your kids to ‘dessert first’ next time you are out for a family dinner. Quite literally order dessert first prior to the entrée. (Your children will love you forever! One of my physician clients did it at Denny’s with his four kids and his wife. Yes, she was surprised! He told me with a lump in his throat, “Kevin it was the best dinner we ever had…we talked! No iPads, no phones…we talked!”)

·        During your next “I am losing this argument” moment just say “I need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Then get your act together and return with “Now, where were we?” Notice the change that always happens in mood, communication, and cooperation.

Risks taken never feel that big after all! What are you going to try?

Be Mindful of the Letters After Your Name—And Theirs

Let them see your credentials, but focus on theirs. Take a genuine interest in their journey. Ask about their PhD and the thesis that shaped their expertise. Inquire about their medical school experience and what led them to choose their specialty. Notice the MBA or other advanced degrees—what did they learn, and how has it influenced their work?

Show equal curiosity and respect for all backgrounds. Be impressed by Harvard and Loyola, but also by schools you’ve never heard of before—each institution has its own unique strengths and stories.

Physicians love to share how they found their specialty. Healthcare executives are eager to discuss the latest innovations. Chaplains often reflect on profound patient or family interactions. Students light up when talking about a favorite professor who changed their perspective.

Ask, listen, paraphrase. Be more interested in their ‘alphabet soup’ than your own. Connection starts with curiosity.

Routine

As leaders, we thrive on routines—they create structure, consistency, and efficiency. But not all routines are beneficial. Some keep us stuck, while others drive growth. Learn more in this video!

Who do you love to talk to about your profession?

Who do you love to talk with about the law? I recently asked a group of attorneys this question, and without exception, they all said they loved talking to other attorneys, law professors, and peers. Not one mentioned enjoying conversations about the law with their clients, spouses, or partners. Not one!

How about you? Who do you love to talk to about your profession? If your answer is limited to those within your field, it might be time to stretch a little—focus on another audience and see if you can effectively translate what you know.

I recently told one of my physician clients that I have another 25 years left of active service before I slow down. He smiled and said, “All I can tell you, Kevin, is that all of my 90-year-old patients have two things in common.” Then he pointed to his head and said, “They stay active here,” and pointed to his legs and said, “And they stay active here!”

My internal response? “Well, I’m 50% of the way there!” My external response? “Understood!”

All of the medical tests, history, advice, and notes in a file were less impactful than his ability to align with my 25-year goal in a way that stuck with me.
If you know how to communicate your expertise so it resonates beyond the moment, you gain more than an audience—you gain non-experts who genuinely understand and appreciate your work. Translate what you know, so others truly know what you know!

How you spend your miles

It's not about how MANY miles, it's about how we've spent those miles. Watch this video to learn more...

Deepen your understanding of language

Teaching at the Institute of Pastoral Studies - Loyola University Chicago gives me a worldwide view of life, with students from Korea, Poland, China, Spain, South America, India, Pakistan, and even Atlanta, Georgia! The diversity of perspectives in my classroom is both a gift and a learning opportunity.

As I teach, I’ve discovered a unique way to deepen our understanding of language—I ask my students to use their native language to teach me more about our English vocabulary.

Recently, I asked my students to put the word "hunch" on the board in their native languages and then define it. None of them defined it as simply "hunch"—instead, they painted vivid images of the word in action, bringing its meaning to life in ways that transcended traditional definitions.

I then asked a student from Thailand to write "empathy" on the board in Thai—it turned out to be a very long word! When I asked her to define it, she paused for a moment and said, "Sitting on my grandmother’s lap after dinner before the fireplace." Perfect.

These moments remind me of the powerful world of words, images, metaphors, and inclusion. Try using the languages of your international colleagues or neighbors early and often—you might be surprised at how it enhances your own understanding of English.

Pause. Wait. Focus

When the other person invades your amygdala with a word that seems accusatory, negative or combative many of us are more than ready to react. Often, we show it nonverbally and then accept the challenge as we enter the battlefield of verbal combat, competition, and opinion. Like little leaguers putting one hand over the others going up the bat to see who goes first we can easily and understandably (and immediately!) swing into action.

Here is an alternative approach: Pause. Wait. Focus. Then paraphrase. As hard as it might be, respond back to the person in your language with what they said, and make sure there’s no attitude in it. Don’t mirror them exactly, create your own restatement then look for an affirmative head nod, agreeing eyes, or a lessened fury. Sometimes it helps to use one or two of their words interspersed with your understanding as this helps them hear what they said, “Jerk, idiot, etc” It's often clearly painful for them.

The goal is to get the head nod. This is also your secret weapon against yourself. We have a plaque in our kitchen that reads “Lord put your hand on my shoulder and the other one over my mouth!” Pause, paraphrase, and then respond with “I have a slightly different take on that…would you like to hear it?” Then….PAUSE!

Planning your next steps

Taking time to reflect and plan your next steps is essential for meaningful growth. Watch this video to learn more…

Is there a book in you?

Is there a book in you? I meet so many people with valuable knowledge to share, and if that sounds like you, here’s my #1 tip for turning your expertise into a book. Watch this video to get started!

Performance

One of my clients recently mentioned to me that they were striving in their coursework not only for information, not only for behavior change, but also for ‘performance-based’ courses. This may not be new to you, but to me, it represented an important word shift: knowledge, behavior, and performance.

My graduate students read to understand, we demonstrate to isolate useful behaviors, and we practice to get so good that our performance is second nature. Actors call it ‘muscle memory.’ A physician at Illinois’ NorthShore University Health System, referring to their trauma surgeons, said they had “such great instincts” honed over a career.

Perhaps in those times when you said the right thing at the right time, in the right way—even you were surprised by the outcome. Perhaps that goes beyond what you know, beyond how you behaved, and the ‘performance’ was the integration of it all.

Behavior change is certainly good, but performance—well, that may be something different and better altogether.

Mission-Moment-Mess

Steve Lowell and Jayne Lowell from Canada introduced me to three very useful words: Mission-Moment-Mess.

I sometimes use them for personal reflection, sometimes to frame a speech or a coaching call, often a set of choices for someone taking my presentation skills class, and always as a reminder that words provoke the story. Can you imagine giving a presentation on any of those three words and not launch into a story, an example, a person, or an interaction?

Even in ordinary conversation, we can probe gently with questions like, “What was that moment like for you?” or “What do you think drives your efforts (mission)?” or “That sounds like it was quite a mess! How’d you get out of it?” (or better yet, “What did you learn from that?”).

As I reflect on my previous day, I’ve found it helpful to just briefly, always non-judgmentally, and honestly ask myself, “How did I act on my mission? What was that special moment? And whew, how’d I get out of that mess (or what did I learn if I’m not out yet!)?” Of course, at the same time, I’m thankful for people like Steve and Jayne who remind me of these reflections with their words.

Memorable conversations

There is a classic Family Guy episode where the talking baby, Stewie, looks at his mom, Lois, lying on the bed and repeats over and over again, “Lois, Lois, Lois, Mom, mom, mom, mummy, mama.” He goes on and on... until finally, Lois acknowledges him with irritation, and Stewie runs off as if this was great fun. Anyone with children knows this scenario all too well.

At the airport last month, the scene repeated all the way through TSA, with a mother finally and exasperatedly saying, “What!?” after her child repeatedly called her. The little boy paused and then said, “I forgot.” Have you ever tried to get someone’s attention—perhaps not quite like Stewie—but over and over, only to be ignored? Especially during a job search, this happens much too often. We hear, “Yes, send me your stuff!” And then… nothing! We send a polite reminder and… nothing.

I wonder if maybe, just maybe, sometimes we are not showing enough interest in their stuff. To them, it may feel like Stewie has returned! Perhaps the key is to begin with a genuine interest in them as we are pitching ourselves. Get them talking about their career, their choices, their challenges. That will be a memorable conversation, which is exactly what we want—to be remembered.

You got this!

Heart Surgeon Dr. Paul Massimiano MD from Adventist HealthCare White Oak Medical Center in Maryland said, “Patients are nervous before open heart surgery…pretty understandable. I tell them the important thing is that I’m not nervous!” Your job interviewer understands your nervousness, but really wants to see your confidence. Your boss also when you are newly promoted. Nervous for sure, but remember why you were promoted, you are good at this, as they say, “you got this”! Nervous can equal excited when seen properly.

As Dr. Massimaiano said after a successful surgery, “Every day is a new day, exciting. I’ve never been bored a single day in my entire career. It is a pleasure and an honor to operate on patients and to be entrusted with their care.” This is what each of us can say when we rightly understand our work is our mission regardless of our role.

At a hotel last month, where every worker was from around the world, all seemed to know their job as cleaner, wait staff, valet, hotel manager, and Starbucks server was secondary to their real job…to make my visit memorable!