African Proverb: When you pray, move your feet!
In graduate school I heard a psychiatrist say, “I don’t listen to my client’s words only, I watch their feet.” Actions tell more than our telling.
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What's in a word
Bill Moyers, Press Secretary and prior was the de facto Chief of Staff to President Lyndon Johnson, during the Viet Nam war reflected after with a powerful quote maybe many of us with a boss can identify with!
“I worked for him despite his faults.
He employed me despite my deficiencies.”
The TV show “The Pitt” in season one had a quote or a formula for having hard talks…the one depicted was of adult children allowing their parent to die without subjecting the parent to useless but painful medical interventions. It was a simple and powerful formula and I wonder if might at some point come in handy for all of us.
I love you…
Thank you…
I forgive you…
Please forgive me…
As I’m ready to pass from this life to the next, I’m very OK with my loved ones engaging me with this.
One of my mentors advised that 10% of evaluations are going to love you no matter what and 10% are going to hate you no matter what. Some will refuse to give even the very best score of a “10” just out of principle! He advised to read all of them, take nothing personally, but take it all professionally. He went on to say there is “some truth” in what just a few will tell you both positively and negatively. Listen to them and see if deep down inside you agree with them. Then decide the changes you want to make for next time…including what went really, really well.
I was recently reminded of the power of names. Taking the time to remember someone’s name can instantly build rapport and trust. Do what you can to memorise them. It makes a bigger difference than you might think.
Watch this video to learn more!
Sometimes we are nervous in meetings, when giving a presentation, when our job is on the line, when everyone around us is losing their heads! It can feel as if we are out of control, and we look that way too.
What if, instead of feeling ‘nervous’ you remind yourself that you are ‘excited’ about what is to come? What if, instead of worry, you decide to commit with energy to the message you want to convey? What if, instead of attempting to please or placate to avoid a critical reaction, you garner your confidence and your courage to say what you know you want to say, to ask the question you would like to discuss, to move towards a long-awaited resolution needed between the two of you?
We can change how we feel reminding ourselves of a word!
The psychiatrist Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, Alfred Adler’s disciple in America, often spoke of the difference between being 'perfect' and being 'useful'. He advocated in a famous speech that we ought to have “the courage to be imperfect” since we are, in fact, quite an imperfect people. Reflect, for example, on the last time you had to present to a board or a group or your boss. Were you thinking about you and your PowerPoint or were you thinking about the audience? 'Perfect' here reflects on you and your concerns; 'useful' means you are focused on your audience and their concerns. And the audience always knows which is which.
What’s in a word? Often a nuance or a deeper meaning or even a refreshing look at things that may help you to see a new path forward. This next series of Tuesday posts is devoted to…the word!
Many years ago, Nido Qubein, President of High Point University taught me the difference between success and significance. Success is certainly a good thing whether in finance, career, family, or any of the many goals one might accomplish. However Nido reminded us that these things are not usually in a eulogy. What we speak of when someone passes is how what they did was significant to us, to those around us, to the world. So if you are ever called upon to give a eulogy, whether at a funeral or a mini-eulogy as you speak to a surviving family member, think about how this person was significant to you, how they made you better, in what ways they infused a quality in your life that made all the difference.
Success is certainly good; but significance is GREAT.